Sanria didn't know what she wanted to feel, and the truth was that she didn't have the ability to choose regardless. The man across the table from her had made her leave her first husband, had made her insane for a good portion of her life, and had broken her heart to the point she didn't know if it would have ever been repaired. She had questions, quips, jabs, stabs, and words ready to murder - but for some reason, the worst of them couldn't find their way out.
Tarran had gone to Thasmudyan and told him of Sanria's trip and apparently, made it painfully obvious that she wasn't quite prepared. It burned Sanria, knowing that her son would have gone to Thasmudyan right as she was seeking Throm. It irritated her also that the man who she hadn't seen since he walked out would come to offer his help in finding her lover.
"No. Absolutely not. You shouldn't be concerned. I don't know why you would be now, anyway. I don't need your help, Thasmudyan."
"I understand you are undertaking this journey with very little preparation."
"It's none of your concern. You gave up that right when you walked out my door."
"Your safety is my concern if I wish it to be so. I would think that would be my decision to make, no?"
"If you want, I can't stop you. But who I take with me is my affair, and you'll not find yourself aboard my ship. Don't think for a minute I'm bringing you. You can walk or whatever it is you do... but you're not setting foot on my ship.”
Sanria sat, stinging at him with her words and he attempting to explain his side of what happened - admitting that along with the need that drove him to seek information, he had not done "right" by her.
The two parted, and Sanria headed back to her ship, the facade of ferocity crumbling. She hung her head and openly sobbed her way back to the Tarmack. Standing, waiting for the elevator to descend, the most familiar sense of calm reached out to her. She turned fully, now, to look at Thasmudyan. Now, she cared not if he saw her tears. "Yes?" she asked in a sob.
"Forgive me... but... I can't help but still be concerned. If something happens to you..." She knew, regardless of what she said, she had no other argument she could give. "Why make this harder?"
"...You have the right to refuse my help... Still, I... and Tarran, and Emalia... would rest more easily at least knowing you were well prepared for this."
"You say you know why I'm leaving... do you know that I'm going after him in part to find out if he's leaving me too?"
Thasmudyan bowed his head as he responded, "It's not really my business... but, no, I didn't know that."
"Well now you do... I have the best luck... three..."
Sanria's thoughts rolled over her relationships and every glaring mistake she felt she made in them. The elevator ride ended and Sanria lead the walk to the gangplank. The worker was no longer there, a fact that gave her some relief since she hadn't bothered to make a stop at the bank. The crew were all either inside the ship, or about the city, leaving the door locked. She resolved in that moment to allow him to help, and unlocking the hatch, she invited him aboard.
They headed to the viewing bubble and sat in the seats there. Sanria's tears were gone, and she sat looking out of the glass, with the knowledge that beside her sat a man she had wondered about for years. It was then, she realized, he was no longer her husband. He was no longer her lover. He was a man who wanted to help for the sake of himself, their child, and her son. The truth was that though she felt for him, their time had passed. A healer, she thought, might be of use in case anything happened.
"You can sleep in the crew’s quarters on the first floor. I'm sure we can arrange for a comfortable bed of your size. The galley is right across the hall, so if you're hungry, you can find food in there also. There is a study aboard, as well, which you are free to use if you desire. We'll be leaving as soon as Remus calls me."
Sanria took a long moment, looking over her past. It would be difficult, but her focus could now be strengthened. Thasmudyan would help her find Throm. From there, she would find out where her life was really headed.
