Stream

At the sight of the pitying look on the priest's face, she sobbed. "I don't even know where to begin... what to take... what she wore or used or..."

"You just take what feels right to you. You don't have to try to be someone else... you are still the same person."

"I don't need any of this..." she said, her irritation eclipsing her better judgment. "I can just go."

"No, please," Colin said. "Maybe you just need to get out for a while. The woods here are beautiful. Maybe we can just get out and take a walk."

Gilean stayed behind with Orn as she followed Colin out to the stream beside the cavern. It was nice to walk behind him, no eyes upon her expectantly, no questions directed toward her. The musky scent of fallen pine needles forced her to relax and the forest seemed to speak to her in the tones of the babble of water over stone. Her mood lifted considerably and a clarity came into her mind. Nature somehow made everything alright.

They finally sat by the stream and simply chatted. Colin told her about her past husbands, her children, his indiscretion with Arlenia, her planar travels, her relationship with Throm, and even about her granddaughter. The entirety of the life of Sanria sounded foolish - a trial that struck her as absurdly hilarious. Far from being burdened, the twisted spiral forced from her a peal of laughter that had her rolling about on the forest floor holding her sides. "You aren't so bad when you're not taking blame for everything under the sun," she finally managed to chuckle out.

"Thank you for not running away screaming."

"Well, according to that Gilemen fellow, I did do that. Killed myself, too."

She sat up, the debris of the forest clinging to her wavy hair. She didn't notice until she looked up and saw Colin gazing on her. "And that's you... right there," he said with a whisper. They left the side of the stream and went back inside. She would stay at the cavern because for whatever reason, hearing of her past life somehow set her at ease. She may not be able to remember it, but at least she knew about it. The darkness finally didn't seem so formidable.

Packing

She woke up before Colin and walked out onto the balcony. She watched the sun crest over the land to the east, its fingers stretching over the forest as though it were clawing to rise from the ground. She listened as the silence of night vanished beneath the chattering and chirping of the squirrels and birds. She could barely make out some buildings to the west - a city perhaps - but she didn't know. She didn't know anything.

"Oh, there you are," Colin said. "Good morning."

"Good morning..." she managed.

"Um... last night..."

"I think that it was a sign. I should not be here."

"But you do... I know you can't remember. But this is where you belong."

"No. Sanria belongs here. I don't know who I am, but I'm not Sanria."

Colin seemed desperate, but no matter what he said, she didn't listen. She simply couldn't stay and be expected to behave like this woman who was nowhere to be found. It frustrated her just how much the man wanted to accept blame - as though her choice to go away was his fault. He couldn't understand what it was like to come "home" to a place that remembered you as someone else - a someone you never had met and never knew.

She walked into the bedroom, finally gaining agreement that she would stay in the nearby town, and readied to pack. It hit her suddenly and with brutally crushing swiftness that she had no idea what to take. She had no idea where anything was. She was utterly helpless in this life.

Colin offered her a bag and she began throwing things in. Brushes, combs, robes, sashes, bottles of this or that - she had no idea what went into the bag and didn't stop until she heard Gilean's voice at the bedroom door. "Are... you going somewhere?"

White Wolf Visited

I can't say what possessed the priest to visit me other than his own guilt. I believe there is a lot of that surrounding this whole wretched situation. In any case, the Lathanderite tracked me to my cave and had the audacity to offer me better accommodations. Hah.

He seemed desperate to help in any case. I told him the story of Sanria and why my situation is a welcome one. To be able to release myself from feeling what Sanria feels, yet still offer her life in repayment for the one I took allows me relief while still upholding the honor of my people and myself.

He tried bringing up Lithanus as if the boy would make me come back from my exile. He didn't seem to understand that Lithanus feels no special emotion for me. In fact, the priest seemed almost shocked to know that I had informed Lithanus of my exile. There is no one out there awaiting my return and in that I feel some measure of comfort. When none rely upon you, mistakes lose their power and become as substantial as a breeze through the forest.

No more thinking. The hunt calls and I'd rather hear my stomach over the issues of the past.