Emalia knew it right when it happened. When someone partially constructed of lifeforce is suddenly embued with more life, the sensation is immediate: all the power felt from before is slightly stronger life running through the veins is duplicative. Already, the life energy that will become "child" is wound in delicate balance with that of its mother, each now dependent on one another for the progression of life and of generations. Emalia had become more by sheer merit of what she was -she was no longer just herself, she was simply more. By virtue of her ability, her lifeforce could now be felt plumbing the depths of every single living thing that shared it. She had given live to Colin; brought back what death had once taken, shifted the antithetical unshiftable tandem of order, restarted once more that which was stilled by death's touch. She had been a conduit for life, and that being who supped at her banquet had helped bring into existence something - someone – completely new... part of her, part of him, entirely of life.
She rolled over, staring at the man who now slept by her side, and wept. Her tears were not those of joy, but those roused by the knowledge that she was going to bring a child into the world sired by a man whom she did not love. No matter how hard she tried. She could see him as a friend, even as a friend she could sleep with, but as a lover, a confidant, a husband... a father... she could not. It was not an issue of there being anyone else - she did not love another. The truth was that he was not natural - though this she still had yet to determine with accuracy. Since they had begun their relationship, he was dead, now he was not, but then who was he? These questions she did not ask - though their coming was being heralded by the confusion that surrounded the paradox. For this moment in time, Emalia only knew that she didn't know. Why could she not fall in love with Colin?
Emalia's thoughts then shifted to Nephesh. She had not seen the boy since her encounter with Grobnak. She'd had no contact with either of them and she began to wonder about the boy she secretly held as her own son. She knew she would have to arrange to see him soon. After all, baby or none, Emalia still had a mission to see through to completion. Not even a child would stop her from seeking the Balefire Mountains.
Colin's movement brought her back to the moment and the changes already taking place in her body. There was one thing this child would do, and that would be to prevent her from leaving. If Colin knew... and then the thought hit her in the dark of her room; he wouldn't know. She slid her hand to her still flat stomach and took a deep breath. Once she had talked to him and broken off their engagement she would tell him. He would be welcome into the child's life and she would not have to pretend. She would just have to be certain to keep busy until working up the nerve to tell him - about both things.
