Sanria'd walked for a matter of minutes before heavy and fast footsteps caught up to her. "Where are you going?" Colin asked.
"Why do you ask?"
"Well, it was a little strange for you to just walk off like that. Are you alright?"
"I'm fine," Sanria had answered with a flat voice. "Why don't you go back to the cavern or even Emalia's house and do your waiting."
"Please, talk to me."
"No, it's alright. You really should go back... in case Throm actually returns."
"Sanria, please, don't just leave like this."
"I've done nothing but bring hostility to this whole enterprise. It's best that I take myself and my beliefs far from here... and keep them there. I'm truly not helping anyone... and I haven't been."
Instantly, Colin dismissed this. "Sanria... I can't even tell you how much you have helped me. You have been there for me all through these past few weeks. If it weren't for you I probably would have driven myself crazy."
"I didn't do that. You kept yourself from that insanity. Perhaps by believing in yourself. Believing we'll find her."
"No. I couldn't have had that strength without you there. Not by myself... I'm literally half the man i used to be. I have been counting on you to be that fire, that strength."
Sanria couldn't keep her eyes on Colin any longer. She stared at the ground as he continued. She had only wanted to be wanted. Only wanted to know that someone felt that she was worth sharing with, worth truly loving. Her reality quickly blurred and feelings that never should have risen... did. "I'm not as strong as you believe me to be, Colin." With that, she forced them away, brought back to herself her purpose and goal.
They discussed her trip north and finally, Colin interrupted. "Look, the truth is I need you. If you have no more hope left, let me be the hope. I need you be the fire, the resolve, the anger even."
No no no. NO. Sanria thought. This was not the right feeling. Not in the least. Hearing someone want her... need her... and tell her such a thing...
And so she lay, staring at the opposite wall, back to Colin as he dozed in the chair. She lay there, wondering if she shouldn't try to sneak out and finish herself off. She didn't believe Emalia was going to return. Even if she did, she could only see another Thasmudyan. She didn't believe it... but Colin did... and whatever had possessed her to kiss her own son-in-law... it had driven her nearer to insanity than she had been in a long, long time.
She was guilt-ridden, downtrodden, disgusted with herself, and in a fit of dispair. She knew where her road was headed... yet with Colin on suicide watch as he waited for any word from Throm... there was nothing she could do but suffer every idiotic move she'd ever made. Even with that miniature trespass on her very own daughter, Sanria listened to Colin plead with her... he still needed her. According to him, they all did. She had been designated as the anchor for the sanity of everyone else. She just didn't know how she could keep herself from unraveling.
