Sanria wandered back through the forest to the cavern, taking the time to think. She hoped that Thasmudyan was still awake so she could tell him what she had done: she had given him up to someone in TriPower. She had not only given him up to help *him* find answers, which was the nobler cause - but also to make Ror stop asking her questions. Better Ror think Thasmudyan knew a lot than to let on just how much she truly knew. The idea of what she had done made her sick, and as anticipated, Thasmudyan was not very pleased either. His face, normally a mask of calm, was open, blatantly upset and... afraid. At least he was willing to meet Ror, even if it didn't completely ease the shame Sanria felt.
They sat there in the library of the cavern for only a few silent moments when the conversation turned to Maya. Sanria gave herself little time to dwell on the feeling of pain she felt when Maya had come to the cavern so long before. With Thasmudyan absent and other things happening, she had been able to keep herself from dwelling on it at all. But it seemed it needed to be discussed. "Once all this is sorted out, and I hope it will be, you should go to her and try to work things out. You were quite attached to her, weren't you?"
"No," Thasmudyan answered after a pause. "What... did she say, anyways?"
"You two were going to be married. You'd been with her many times-"
"I never agreed to that."
"What do you mean?"
"I never agreed to marry her. And many times? It was one time. A moment of weakness, I'm ashamed to admit... Well, one time after we... I mean..."
The sting of the words caught Sanria by surprise. Of course anyone with any ability to count could determine that Thasmudyan had been with Maya after Sanria - Sanria was a house while Maya was not - but knowing it as a fact left Sanria aching. An ache that her newfound cool was quick to stitch up. "Well, things are the way they are. We won't make that mistake again, will we?"
"It seems that fate has conspired once again to keep us apart."
"I wouldn't blame it on fate."
"No, you wouldn't, I suppose. Oh well.. I didn't expect you would believe me, anyway."
"Believe you?" Sanria asked with patient incredulity. "I can obviously tell what happened, I don't think there's any way around that. There is evidence," she said, thinking of the girls. "I just... it doesn't matter anymore."
"But do you know why it happened?"
Sanria felt her heart grow heavy. She wanted to be told that he loved her, because if he loved her, it meant that he wasn't just out for a good lay. It would mean that he wasn't likely to do it again. It would mean that she could forgive him. Unfortunately, the answer of "Not exactly," was far from what she wished. "I didn't... I don't trust Maya. Getting involved with her in the first place, was a mistake." Her mistake, Sanria thought. She had introduced them... "If I'd just been honest with her... and told her there was someone else in my life... Perhaps she'd have just left us be and that'd be the end of that."
"So, why didn't you?"
"Because I don't think she would've. I thought that, if I refused her, she'd suspect, and her first suspect would be you. And she would come here, exactly like she did... and had she caught you without Colin here, thought you were going to 'steal me from her.'"
"So you were afraid..." Sanria said, more a statement than question. "You give her far too much credit and me far too little. Though, perhaps with all the times I called on you helplessly, you could see me as no more than helpless. I don't blame you, I suppose."
"As I said... it was a mistake."
"We've all made them," Sanria said, staring into the fire.
Still, though the words were spoken as simply as any, they were a strain. Certainly, Sanria had made her share of mistakes, she had made them for a long time. But, as she stood up to take her leave, she knew that at some point, the mistakes had to end. If that meant she had to cloister herself in the castle and deal only with the clan and the Rilmani, she would take that road to its end. "I'll stay out of your way, of course. If you have need of anything, you can call on me and I'll come," she said at the door.
"You don't have to, you know."
"Don't you think it's better that way?"
"No... I don't. But, I understand if you do."
"Why not?"
"Nothing that's happened.. has changed the fact that I still enjoy your company. You understand me like... well, like nobody else alive today does. I'd like it if we could still be friends, at least."
"Second time I've heard that phrase today... We can remain friends. Of course. It doesn't make the love part go away, but perhaps in time that, too, can shift."
"It'll have to, I suppose.."
"If we're to remain friends... yes."
