A diary entry left open upon a small white table:
I had promised myself I would stay out of things, but I suppose the truth is I could not. I cannot. Were it but that simple, I should have followed my own advice and remained apart, but, alas - I feel acutely what she feels since I have returned to my elven form, and I could feel where she was heading once more.
One would assume vows and pregnancy would be enough to keep a woman still. I never did anticipate what I was to be given when I linked myself to Sanria, and she is no ordinary fool. I did what I had to do. I seduced Colin again and then lied about being with child. Only Gilean knows of this deception, and even he seemed unsettled by the news. He does not wish to bear such a secret.
After what I had done, I could tell Gilean seemed morose. He felt lying to hold Sanria to her obligations was too much, but when reminded of their family, he seemed to protest much less. I do not know when I will reveal my lie. Perhaps once things are finally established with Gilean and Sanria. I have only a few months before the ruse will visibly be up. Colin will likely be close to killing me.
The trouble for this eve has been feeling Sanria in proximity to Colin. For all this, they still managed to say goodbye to one another in their typical way. I do feel a gnawing pain, splitting apart a pair so right for one another. But if she will not settle herself and be responsible for the family she now bears, seeing the way her daughter has turned against her and her son was so torn, then I will have to help her. I know she will feel love eventually.
I stand outside myself watching this situation unfurl. I seduced Colin with no semblance of feeling for him. It is a cruelty what I have done. I am fully aware. I only hope that it is enough and I will not have to act the part any farther than what I have already. It is a place even I fear to tread, for it would damage Colin to a point of disrepair. Bah. Even I could not be so callous.
