As Sanria stared at the cottage, a low whistling could be heard. She turned to find Thasmudyan. She did not have the rush of emotion she used to have. It was simply like meeting an old friend - albeit one you were embarrassed to inform of your polyandry. Still, they spoke, Sanria noting the distinct absence of any questions about Nioma. He had truly let go of his daughter. She gave him a tour of the castle, inviting him to apply to the Keepers, and after a bite to eat, they said their goodbyes. Sanria checked her mental list. She could say truthfully that she was no longer in love with Thasmudyan, but she hoped that he would be part of the Keepers and remain her friend.
She returned to the cavern later that evening after finishing a bit of work. That night she spoke with Colin, determining that the two men were at odds. Colin spoke about how they should be together, and Sanria found herself thinking about the way Gilean looked at her. She had seen he and Claire together, she saw the concern on his face when she sat in the living room. She knew what it looked like when someone was holding back what they felt. She certainly thought she had seen it on Gilean's face.
Sanria offered Gilean the chance to leave, to not feel obligated to stay. The answer was a resounding no. Sanria frowned at the distress on Gilean's face and was confused. He said he loved her, wanted to be with her, that she was the mother of his children, and wanted her to want him. She felt guilty that she didn't want him to leave, but at the same time... at the same time she knew that somewhere inside of his mind, of his heart... she was his second choice.
The following day she sat at the kitchen table alone. She closed her eyes. "Leandra, I know you probably don't want to talk to me, but, I truly need your help."
The flippant acid reply came back, "What do you want, mom?"
"I need you to tell me where I can find Claire."
Showing posts with label Nioma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nioma. Show all posts
Turnabout (1 of 2)
Gilean entered the upstairs training room to see Colin actively working over one of the dummies in the room with a practice blade. He took a moment to be sure the door was securely closed behind himself before turning toward the larger man with an accusing glare. "Just what are you doing?"
Colin barely spared Gilean a glance as he continued in his measured strikes. "I'm training, and I don't recall inviting you. However, if you'd like to take up a blade and spar..." Colin flashed Gilean a mocking grin.
"You know what I'm talking about. Sanria."
Colin paused in his strikes and let his arms drop, turning toward Gilean with a scowl of his own. "No, I don't know what you're talking about. Last I heard you seem to be getting everything you want so you're going to have to be a little more specific."
Gilean took a few steps toward Colin. "What did you say to her? She comes to me and starts talking about helping Claire, bringing her back, letting me be with her!"
"Well, maybe that would just be better. You could have your own family and I could have mine."
"How dare you suggest that to her," Gilean said, pointing his finger at Colin angrily, "My family is with Sanria. She's the mother of my children. Not just the babies, but Matinus and Nioma."
"I suggest you watch yourself," Colin retorted as he raised the dulled practice blade back in Gilean's direction. "Nioma's not even your child. I was going to raise her before you were even around. Just one more thing you have tried taking from me."
Gilean stood his ground for a moment, his eyes locked with Colin's and his jaw tense, before finally dropping his finger. "What did you say to her?"
"Do you want to know the funny thing," Colin scoffed with a small shrug, "I didn't say anything at all. That was all Sanria."
Colin barely spared Gilean a glance as he continued in his measured strikes. "I'm training, and I don't recall inviting you. However, if you'd like to take up a blade and spar..." Colin flashed Gilean a mocking grin.
"You know what I'm talking about. Sanria."
Colin paused in his strikes and let his arms drop, turning toward Gilean with a scowl of his own. "No, I don't know what you're talking about. Last I heard you seem to be getting everything you want so you're going to have to be a little more specific."
Gilean took a few steps toward Colin. "What did you say to her? She comes to me and starts talking about helping Claire, bringing her back, letting me be with her!"
"Well, maybe that would just be better. You could have your own family and I could have mine."
"How dare you suggest that to her," Gilean said, pointing his finger at Colin angrily, "My family is with Sanria. She's the mother of my children. Not just the babies, but Matinus and Nioma."
"I suggest you watch yourself," Colin retorted as he raised the dulled practice blade back in Gilean's direction. "Nioma's not even your child. I was going to raise her before you were even around. Just one more thing you have tried taking from me."
Gilean stood his ground for a moment, his eyes locked with Colin's and his jaw tense, before finally dropping his finger. "What did you say to her?"
"Do you want to know the funny thing," Colin scoffed with a small shrug, "I didn't say anything at all. That was all Sanria."
Conealing Tensions
This was to be her sixth child and Sanria had lost count in how many pregnancies. Gilean had chosen the name, Sandorin, which Sanria felt perfect. Her brother had been long dead now. He would have been delighted to have a little one named for him. She wondered what he'd think of all this.
They had sped up nature's processes as well, making her pregnancy go much faster than normal. Unlike the times when she'd slept with Thasmudyan, however, this time was thanks to Gilean's magic.
It was a strange day in that Sanria had the cavern to herself. Orn was at the castle, Mirin was off with the bubbly and excited twins, Colin had taken Nioma out to play, and Gilean was off with Matinus - bonding. She had been through having children before, so the sensation was not new. She felt the contractions and her water break, and knew she had a little time before things grew intense. She didn't want the family rushing back with worry. She reached out to Enmach.
A mere hour later, she was looking into the eyes of her son. He, too, seemed to take her in before falling asleep. He had only cried for a moment - the indignity of being nude - before going utterly calm. Enmach left congratulations in her wake, and Sanria was left with her son only moments before everyone came back.
Though happiness seemed to be the prevailing sentiment, Sanria could see the sorrow of Colin's face that she'd be spending more time with Gilean and Sandorin, and the hurt on Gilean's face that she hadn't called him to tend the birth. Then - something on both of their faces, buried under their joys and kindnesses - worry.
They had sped up nature's processes as well, making her pregnancy go much faster than normal. Unlike the times when she'd slept with Thasmudyan, however, this time was thanks to Gilean's magic.
It was a strange day in that Sanria had the cavern to herself. Orn was at the castle, Mirin was off with the bubbly and excited twins, Colin had taken Nioma out to play, and Gilean was off with Matinus - bonding. She had been through having children before, so the sensation was not new. She felt the contractions and her water break, and knew she had a little time before things grew intense. She didn't want the family rushing back with worry. She reached out to Enmach.
A mere hour later, she was looking into the eyes of her son. He, too, seemed to take her in before falling asleep. He had only cried for a moment - the indignity of being nude - before going utterly calm. Enmach left congratulations in her wake, and Sanria was left with her son only moments before everyone came back.
Though happiness seemed to be the prevailing sentiment, Sanria could see the sorrow of Colin's face that she'd be spending more time with Gilean and Sandorin, and the hurt on Gilean's face that she hadn't called him to tend the birth. Then - something on both of their faces, buried under their joys and kindnesses - worry.
Sandorin
Matinus looked down at the little sleeping baby and scrunched up his face and tilted his head. Babies weren't exactly his favorites - Reggie and Regina were a little bit different because they were his niece and nephew - but Sandorin, this was his half-brother. He could feel a strange calm from the little baby in front of him, like he was a lot older than he was really.
Sandorin opened his eyes just a bit and looked up at Matinus. It was freaky. He looked down to see Nioma come in and lean her face against the bars of the crib. "He's little, huh?" she asked.
"Yeah, he'll get bigger though."
"Will we be able to play with him?"
Matinus shrugged. "Probably you will, but I don't know if
I'm going to play with him."
"Why not?" Nioma squeezed her face into the bars and danced about on one leg as she looked at her half-brother.
"I'm older than you are."
"So? Mister Bunny is older than me too, and he still plays with me."
"Mister Bunny is a rabbit, not a boy."
"Mister Bunny is a mister."
Matinus smirked and left the baby behind, walking through Sandorin's bedroom, through Nioma's, and back to his own. He could tell his dad was really excited about the little baby - his baby with Sanria - which made him a little sad. He didn't seem to love him or Nioma as much as he already loved Sandorin. He could feel his dad worrying, too, like jealously worrying.
Matinus had already talked to Colin about being so afraid he made Sanria tired, but there was something a little wrong and he couldn't really figure it out. Colin felt afraid and said he thought he was going to lose Sanria to his dad, his dad felt jealous and worried, and Sanria - he just felt this weird confusion. Then, Nioma, always excitable and strange with how she could see stuff that wasn't visible. Just the other day she said Sanria's belly was sparkling. Then Sandorin... the weirdest calm baby Matinus had ever seen.
He walked upstairs and went to Orn and Mirin, but they were busy with Reggie and Regina. They were busy with them a lot. He walked outside and sat by the stream. There was a strange uneasiness that was floating around. Something too weighty for a twelve-year-old boy to worry about.
Sandorin opened his eyes just a bit and looked up at Matinus. It was freaky. He looked down to see Nioma come in and lean her face against the bars of the crib. "He's little, huh?" she asked.
"Yeah, he'll get bigger though."
"Will we be able to play with him?"
Matinus shrugged. "Probably you will, but I don't know if
I'm going to play with him."
"Why not?" Nioma squeezed her face into the bars and danced about on one leg as she looked at her half-brother.
"I'm older than you are."
"So? Mister Bunny is older than me too, and he still plays with me."
"Mister Bunny is a rabbit, not a boy."
"Mister Bunny is a mister."
Matinus smirked and left the baby behind, walking through Sandorin's bedroom, through Nioma's, and back to his own. He could tell his dad was really excited about the little baby - his baby with Sanria - which made him a little sad. He didn't seem to love him or Nioma as much as he already loved Sandorin. He could feel his dad worrying, too, like jealously worrying.
Matinus had already talked to Colin about being so afraid he made Sanria tired, but there was something a little wrong and he couldn't really figure it out. Colin felt afraid and said he thought he was going to lose Sanria to his dad, his dad felt jealous and worried, and Sanria - he just felt this weird confusion. Then, Nioma, always excitable and strange with how she could see stuff that wasn't visible. Just the other day she said Sanria's belly was sparkling. Then Sandorin... the weirdest calm baby Matinus had ever seen.
He walked upstairs and went to Orn and Mirin, but they were busy with Reggie and Regina. They were busy with them a lot. He walked outside and sat by the stream. There was a strange uneasiness that was floating around. Something too weighty for a twelve-year-old boy to worry about.
Signals
Matinus kept glancing out of the corner of his eye. It was strange watching his mom - well, his step-mom - sitting beside Colin on the grass. His attention would be pulled when Nioma would find a weird-shaped rock or something equally silly to show him, but Matinus kept looking and feeling.
It was a different love than what he felt when Sanria and his dad were together. She loved her dad and was protective of him, but the feeling Matinus felt was how when his dad and Sanria were together, their hearts kinda melted into one another. She adored his dad. With Colin, though, it was different. Matinus could feel something more here, something old that wasn't as lovely as what he'd been feeling when his dad and Sanria were together. He put his finger on it at the same moment Nioma splashed him by dropping a large stone in the stream. Colin was scared, Sanria knew it.
Matinus wiped the water from his cheek and snapped at Nioma. She looked sad for a moment, then chased after a squirrel. He sat there, feeling more. Colin was scared of something and it made him want Sanria all to himself. But, Sanria, mom, didn't feel the same. Like she knew he was afraid and it made her tired. Like she was being nice. Like she loved him less than she loved his dad.
Matinus kept stealing glances and feelings, but for a moment he was happy. He felt Sanria loved his dad more. Then they kissed and Matinus had to look away. It just looked wrong. He was happy, sure, that all the adults were getting along, but he found himself wishing it was just his dad again. Like Sanria belonged to his dad, not to two guys.
He sighed as Nioma came up, waving a muddy stick around. He shooed her away, then his mom got up and Colin got up and their time was at an end. Nioma led the way back through the forest, skipping and singing at the top of her lungs, then Sanria and Colin, then Matinus - watching, feeling, ingesting. He wasn't really sure how to feel. This whole thing was a little more than confusing. It was awkward.
It was a different love than what he felt when Sanria and his dad were together. She loved her dad and was protective of him, but the feeling Matinus felt was how when his dad and Sanria were together, their hearts kinda melted into one another. She adored his dad. With Colin, though, it was different. Matinus could feel something more here, something old that wasn't as lovely as what he'd been feeling when his dad and Sanria were together. He put his finger on it at the same moment Nioma splashed him by dropping a large stone in the stream. Colin was scared, Sanria knew it.
Matinus wiped the water from his cheek and snapped at Nioma. She looked sad for a moment, then chased after a squirrel. He sat there, feeling more. Colin was scared of something and it made him want Sanria all to himself. But, Sanria, mom, didn't feel the same. Like she knew he was afraid and it made her tired. Like she was being nice. Like she loved him less than she loved his dad.
Matinus kept stealing glances and feelings, but for a moment he was happy. He felt Sanria loved his dad more. Then they kissed and Matinus had to look away. It just looked wrong. He was happy, sure, that all the adults were getting along, but he found himself wishing it was just his dad again. Like Sanria belonged to his dad, not to two guys.
He sighed as Nioma came up, waving a muddy stick around. He shooed her away, then his mom got up and Colin got up and their time was at an end. Nioma led the way back through the forest, skipping and singing at the top of her lungs, then Sanria and Colin, then Matinus - watching, feeling, ingesting. He wasn't really sure how to feel. This whole thing was a little more than confusing. It was awkward.
Weird but Cool
Matinus sat in his room and looked over his books. He had to decide which ones to take, which ones would fit into his suitcase and still leave room for clothes. Not that he had many anyway. He was excited anyway and not because his family was moving to the place where Orn lived, but because he could see, for the first time on his parents face, that they really loved each other.
It was weird for him, feeling things other people felt. He didn't know he could do it, he didn't know why, but the longer he sat with someone, if he looked at them, he could feel some of what they felt. Today, while Sanria and Gilean sat in front of him, telling him that they were going to be halfway married to Colin (a fact that made him ask Gilean if he was marrying Colin - an emphatic no there - whew), all of a sudden, they weren't nervous anymore. All of a sudden, they were in love... like, really in love.
He watched them look at each other and smile and hold hands and felt it like a piece of fabric on his skin- whisper thin and light, then wrapping around him warmly. They said they loved each other before. He knew they kinda meant it, but this was different. Matinus didn't know what changed, or even why, but this time it was real.
He paused in his packing to sigh as Nioma came into his room for the seventeenth time to say they were moving. 'I know, Nioma. Go pack.' It was a little tiring, feeling her crazy energy each time she came tornadoing into his room. She left and Matinus could think again, and his smile came back unbidden. He didn't know what it would mean to have a dad, a kinda dad, Orn as his real big brother right there for him to talk to any time he wanted, Mirin there whenever he wanted to be around her, to be an uncle, to be an adventurer in the woods, by a water fall, by a stream, in a cavern... but he did know that his family was going to be together... and that was the best part of the whole thing.
It was weird for him, feeling things other people felt. He didn't know he could do it, he didn't know why, but the longer he sat with someone, if he looked at them, he could feel some of what they felt. Today, while Sanria and Gilean sat in front of him, telling him that they were going to be halfway married to Colin (a fact that made him ask Gilean if he was marrying Colin - an emphatic no there - whew), all of a sudden, they weren't nervous anymore. All of a sudden, they were in love... like, really in love.
He watched them look at each other and smile and hold hands and felt it like a piece of fabric on his skin- whisper thin and light, then wrapping around him warmly. They said they loved each other before. He knew they kinda meant it, but this was different. Matinus didn't know what changed, or even why, but this time it was real.
He paused in his packing to sigh as Nioma came into his room for the seventeenth time to say they were moving. 'I know, Nioma. Go pack.' It was a little tiring, feeling her crazy energy each time she came tornadoing into his room. She left and Matinus could think again, and his smile came back unbidden. He didn't know what it would mean to have a dad, a kinda dad, Orn as his real big brother right there for him to talk to any time he wanted, Mirin there whenever he wanted to be around her, to be an uncle, to be an adventurer in the woods, by a water fall, by a stream, in a cavern... but he did know that his family was going to be together... and that was the best part of the whole thing.
Releasing the Dam
Bad didn't adequately describe the situation Sanria now found herself in. Bad was before - moments before - Colin simply trying to remind her of his love for her, trying to get her back. Bad had morphed into something akin to unbearable, uncomfortable, and blood-draining. Colin had now figured out Kaliadra's ruse, and because he was in such close proximity, made no qualms about coming to talk. Sanria had hoped it would be to say goodbye, or at the very least, give her space to breathe. Instead, it turned into her raising her voice, growing increasingly flustered and impatient.
She had said all she could say. She reminded him of Gilean's feelings, of Matinus, of Nioma, of her unborn. She reminded him of how she loved them and how going back to him would break that asunder. It would tear apart what little she had. Then: "I don't know how to let you go, Sanria."
"Can you? Eventually? Given time?"
"I can't. I don't want to."
From this answer, Sanria learned that it was never truly the black makou that drove Colin to madness when it came to her. It was his own heart. Knowing everything -all the ugliness that her leaving Gilean would cause, the pain for the children, the pain for Gilean - Colin had given his honest admission. He wanted her in his life and though he was the most family oriented man she'd ever met - he was willing to break a family to get his own back. To get her back.
The drive left her and Sanria lost the will to fight. She knew him, knew the relentless determination, knew Colin wouldn't stop. She agreed to leave Gilean, to rip apart what little they had built while Colin had forgotten everything. It didn't make her happy. It wasn't a conclusion that brought her joy. After Colin left, she wretched into a plant pot and sat sobbing on the floor.
She had wanted at last to do something right. She had tried hard to make things work between herself and Gilean, and just when she had set her course, it was pulled away. The guilt was excruciating, but she'd have to bear it. Or so she thought. She had assumed that the mild-mannered pacifist she'd married would accept defeat and let go easily. That is, however, when unbearable, uncomfortable, and blood-draining dipped even lower than she thought it could.
She had said all she could say. She reminded him of Gilean's feelings, of Matinus, of Nioma, of her unborn. She reminded him of how she loved them and how going back to him would break that asunder. It would tear apart what little she had. Then: "I don't know how to let you go, Sanria."
"Can you? Eventually? Given time?"
"I can't. I don't want to."
From this answer, Sanria learned that it was never truly the black makou that drove Colin to madness when it came to her. It was his own heart. Knowing everything -all the ugliness that her leaving Gilean would cause, the pain for the children, the pain for Gilean - Colin had given his honest admission. He wanted her in his life and though he was the most family oriented man she'd ever met - he was willing to break a family to get his own back. To get her back.
The drive left her and Sanria lost the will to fight. She knew him, knew the relentless determination, knew Colin wouldn't stop. She agreed to leave Gilean, to rip apart what little they had built while Colin had forgotten everything. It didn't make her happy. It wasn't a conclusion that brought her joy. After Colin left, she wretched into a plant pot and sat sobbing on the floor.
She had wanted at last to do something right. She had tried hard to make things work between herself and Gilean, and just when she had set her course, it was pulled away. The guilt was excruciating, but she'd have to bear it. Or so she thought. She had assumed that the mild-mannered pacifist she'd married would accept defeat and let go easily. That is, however, when unbearable, uncomfortable, and blood-draining dipped even lower than she thought it could.
Family
Matinus read in the library. He was aware that he was on edge. His mom had suddenly left to go to the castle, saying there was someone there she had to meet. And like that, she was gone. His dad was downstairs, like there was something wrong with him, too.
Matinus sighed deeply. He could see that ever since the family trip, his dad and his mom weren't looking at eachother the same. He tried to keep Nioma entertained, tried to stay out of the way, but he could really feel that something was wrong. They said they loved each other, but he could see on their faces it wasn't love. It was... like.
Still, he held on to the hope that they were going to work it out. Adults worked things out. Then he heardthe woman talking to him, Claire. He knew her voice because his whole body seemed to cry out with joy for a second that his real mom had come home. Then he sat there, frozen. He didn't need his "real" mom, he had a mom. Sanria.
Then his dad called him and he knew he couldn't disobey. He trailed down the steps slow and looked over at the purple lady who stared at him. She tried to be nice and all that, but it scared him. His dad looked at her the way he should be looking at Sanria. It made him mad then. No way was this mom going to take Sanria away from him.
When he tried to run out the front door, his dad sent him to his room with magic. He still snuck out anyway and listened at the top of the stairs to the two of them talking. He never once heard his dad say he loved Sanria. He seemed to care more about Claire. This was wrong, all wrong.
After Claire left, and Matinus was worried she wouldn't, he went downstairs. There was no way he would leaveSanria - if his dad wanted to be with Claire, fine, but Sanria was his mom now. She was a Keeper, she worked in a floating castle full of dragons and silver people, Orn was teaching him adventure stuff when he saw him, and Nioma was his little sister - even if she did get annoying sometimes.
Matinus had his family, and that was the end of it. He remembered the days his dad ignored him completely. He remembered days where he was dirty and Mirin had to tell him to take a bath. He remembered how, when Sanria first came, she asked him if his dad brushed his hair... then she took care of him. If his dad wanted to go back to that... he was going to go alone.
He saw his Dad's face and eyes and could tell his dad was a little scared of what he said. It made him feel a little bad, but he had to tell the truth. The truth was that Sanria loved him, and he could feel it and see it. More than he saw from his dad. He only hoped that some time, sometime soon, Sanria and his dad could look at eachother and feel love. Maybe if he prayed to Lathander really hard... something just might change.
Matinus sighed deeply. He could see that ever since the family trip, his dad and his mom weren't looking at eachother the same. He tried to keep Nioma entertained, tried to stay out of the way, but he could really feel that something was wrong. They said they loved each other, but he could see on their faces it wasn't love. It was... like.
Still, he held on to the hope that they were going to work it out. Adults worked things out. Then he heardthe woman talking to him, Claire. He knew her voice because his whole body seemed to cry out with joy for a second that his real mom had come home. Then he sat there, frozen. He didn't need his "real" mom, he had a mom. Sanria.
Then his dad called him and he knew he couldn't disobey. He trailed down the steps slow and looked over at the purple lady who stared at him. She tried to be nice and all that, but it scared him. His dad looked at her the way he should be looking at Sanria. It made him mad then. No way was this mom going to take Sanria away from him.
When he tried to run out the front door, his dad sent him to his room with magic. He still snuck out anyway and listened at the top of the stairs to the two of them talking. He never once heard his dad say he loved Sanria. He seemed to care more about Claire. This was wrong, all wrong.
After Claire left, and Matinus was worried she wouldn't, he went downstairs. There was no way he would leaveSanria - if his dad wanted to be with Claire, fine, but Sanria was his mom now. She was a Keeper, she worked in a floating castle full of dragons and silver people, Orn was teaching him adventure stuff when he saw him, and Nioma was his little sister - even if she did get annoying sometimes.
Matinus had his family, and that was the end of it. He remembered the days his dad ignored him completely. He remembered days where he was dirty and Mirin had to tell him to take a bath. He remembered how, when Sanria first came, she asked him if his dad brushed his hair... then she took care of him. If his dad wanted to go back to that... he was going to go alone.
He saw his Dad's face and eyes and could tell his dad was a little scared of what he said. It made him feel a little bad, but he had to tell the truth. The truth was that Sanria loved him, and he could feel it and see it. More than he saw from his dad. He only hoped that some time, sometime soon, Sanria and his dad could look at eachother and feel love. Maybe if he prayed to Lathander really hard... something just might change.
Dedication
Gilean sat in the chair in the living room near the fireplace reading a large book about something to do with expunging exotic poisons. Truth be told, though his eyes had been scanning over the words for many minutes, he hadn't read a single bit of it. His thoughts were far too absorbed with the tumultuous state of his family.
It hadn't helped that Claire had managed a visit yesterday. She was able to only briefly slip away from the oppressive watch of Ruthivan but the woman who Gilean saw seemed far from the Claire he knew... the Claire he loved. The magical flames normally alight upon her head were practically non-existent and she showed almost no emotion. She seemed somehow broken and it absolutely tore at Gilean's heart.
It was worse when Matinus wouldn't even acknowledge Claire as his mother. 'She is not my mom! Sanria is my mom! She's here, and she loves me!' The boy's words still rang through Gilean's mind. He had yelled at Matinus and sent him to his room, angered to see the additional pain those words inflicted on the already broken Claire. Claire had criticized Gilean for reprimanding the boy.
'He has every right to feel as he does. Matinus felt threatened by something, and I believe that something is his father standing with another woman who is never here saying to hug her and treat her like a mother. I am no longer his mother. I am merely the woman who gave him life.'
Gilean had accepted Claire's words and later spoke to Matinus. He attempted to apologize for not always being there for his son. First when he lost Claire to Ruthivan, then more recently when Sanria was taken by Velentham. Matinus had been very guarded and resentful, even going so far as to tell Gilean, 'If you leave mom I'm going to live with her. I don't want to live with you, Dad. Not if you want that other lady. Because I don't believe you.'
That had almost been too much for Gilean. Not only had the boy questioned his feelings for Sanria, but to hear another of his children essentially tell him what a terrible father he was... It was too late to change things for Mirin, who had essentially grown up with the Stones, but it wasn't too late for Matinus. He had promised his son then and there he would do whatever was necessary to keep this family together.
Here he sat with the knowledge of Kalidra's secret weighing on him. There was no baby. It was a secret he would bear. He had to see this family stay together. For Matinus, for Nioma, for Sanria, for the little one yet to be born. He would do whatever it took. This time, things would be right.
It hadn't helped that Claire had managed a visit yesterday. She was able to only briefly slip away from the oppressive watch of Ruthivan but the woman who Gilean saw seemed far from the Claire he knew... the Claire he loved. The magical flames normally alight upon her head were practically non-existent and she showed almost no emotion. She seemed somehow broken and it absolutely tore at Gilean's heart.
It was worse when Matinus wouldn't even acknowledge Claire as his mother. 'She is not my mom! Sanria is my mom! She's here, and she loves me!' The boy's words still rang through Gilean's mind. He had yelled at Matinus and sent him to his room, angered to see the additional pain those words inflicted on the already broken Claire. Claire had criticized Gilean for reprimanding the boy.
'He has every right to feel as he does. Matinus felt threatened by something, and I believe that something is his father standing with another woman who is never here saying to hug her and treat her like a mother. I am no longer his mother. I am merely the woman who gave him life.'
Gilean had accepted Claire's words and later spoke to Matinus. He attempted to apologize for not always being there for his son. First when he lost Claire to Ruthivan, then more recently when Sanria was taken by Velentham. Matinus had been very guarded and resentful, even going so far as to tell Gilean, 'If you leave mom I'm going to live with her. I don't want to live with you, Dad. Not if you want that other lady. Because I don't believe you.'
That had almost been too much for Gilean. Not only had the boy questioned his feelings for Sanria, but to hear another of his children essentially tell him what a terrible father he was... It was too late to change things for Mirin, who had essentially grown up with the Stones, but it wasn't too late for Matinus. He had promised his son then and there he would do whatever was necessary to keep this family together.
Here he sat with the knowledge of Kalidra's secret weighing on him. There was no baby. It was a secret he would bear. He had to see this family stay together. For Matinus, for Nioma, for Sanria, for the little one yet to be born. He would do whatever it took. This time, things would be right.
The Old College Try (1-2)
'Sanria?'
'What? What do you want?!'
'I want to know if you could spare a few moments, I'm here with Colin.'
'Is that so? Are you on your knees with him this time? What more can you do to me, Kaliadra? You send him to me and then you turn prostitute again?'
'It is not that way, I assure you...'
'You assure me, you whore. Leave me be. You've done enough already.'
'Please... I will only ask this then do as you bid.'
Sanria growled her spell and appeared in her old den where Kaliadra sat beside Colin. The gladiator was very obviously nursing a hangover, and it infuriated Sanria. "So. You were drunk. So what do you two want?"
"I just... I had a bit too much to drink and I don't quite remember what happened last night."
"You don't?" Sanria tried to keep her voice even. It wasn't working.
"I, uh, sort of remember talking to Kaliadra. And then I thought maybe I dreamed of, um, being with you. But maybe that wasn't a dream after all..."
"No. It wasn't."
"I... I just don't know how to do this Sanria. I thought I could. I really did..."
"What do you mean, you thought you could?" And here, panic crept into Sanria's mind. This couldn't be happening.
"Be without you. Live without you. Bear the thought of you being with him, a part of some other family. It's not right Sanria. It's just not. I know it, and you know it."
"I'm married to him, Colin... I'm pregnant with his child. I... do... love him. Maybe not like I should, Gods know... but..." The words all sounded so familiar, it sickened Sanria of her own self.
"I know you two are married. But Sanria Eosos? It doesn't even sound right."
Sanria looked to the fire. He had echoed the same exact thought she had from the moment the wedding had concluded, the same thought she had each day she woke and looked herself in the mirror. What she couldn't admit to anyone- ever. "I thought doing what I did with Kaliadra might somehow change things..." he continued. "Put an end to it... force me to do what I thought I couldn't otherwise. But, Sanria, it just hurts even more."
"Yes. It does."
"I don't know how to live with that hole inside of me. You are supposed to be with me. You are supposed to be my wife. Nothing else has been so clear to me."
He got up and came to her, his hands held before him, and Sanria felt as if he were begging. She had to maintain her resolve. "You told me that it was for the best..." she reminded him.
"It's just eating me up inside. I thought it would get easier... but it's only killing me more and more."
He neared her, and Sanria felt the gravity as sure and as strong as ever. Always, it was the same. The mere proximity of Colin had the same outcome as two drops of water within a short distance. Molecules vibrating until they collide and merge, and so it was when Colin reached out and pulled her suddenly to him. "This is supposed to be our time together. Really together, like we haven't been for so long."
Sanria felt him breathing in her hair, felt herself melting into him as he held her. She finally resisted, though she could not exit his grasp.
"Colin... you have to let go..." she said quietly.
"I don't want to ever let you go Sanria."
"Colin... I'm with Gilean... I am with him now..."
"But you aren't supposed to be with him. You're supposed to be with me."
Sanria did resist, much more than before. She threatened, telling Colin she would not see him again no matter what. She bargained and asked him to leave her alone, but her words were nothing against the forces working in her body. She hated how weak she was, how incapable she was of simply leaving or using magic to keep Colin at bay. It was the one thing he knew about her, the power he held over her, the physical.
"I'm with Gilean, Colin. I'm his wife," she protested half-heartedly.
"No. I don't see you as his wife. You will forever be my wife. You belong to me."
He begged her to stay, but with her body sated, Sanria's mind could at last work again. "I will not see you again, Colin. Ever. This can never happen again."
"Please, don't say that."
"What about Gilean? Wasn't he your friend?"
"I don't care about Gilean."
"What about Matinus? Nioma?"
"Stop... I don't want to hear it."
"You need to hear it," she pressed. "This cannot happen again. I will make sure it doesn't."
Sanria disappeared to the safety of her office, sending a tell to Gilean to inform him she'd be working late. She sunk down into her chair, her head in her hands. Why she could never do what she meant to do, Sanria did not understand. It seemed every step she took was the wrong one. A matter of inability to stay on one path. 'No,' she thought to herself, 'this time will be different. This time, I will make this stop. I have to.'
'What? What do you want?!'
'I want to know if you could spare a few moments, I'm here with Colin.'
'Is that so? Are you on your knees with him this time? What more can you do to me, Kaliadra? You send him to me and then you turn prostitute again?'
'It is not that way, I assure you...'
'You assure me, you whore. Leave me be. You've done enough already.'
'Please... I will only ask this then do as you bid.'
Sanria growled her spell and appeared in her old den where Kaliadra sat beside Colin. The gladiator was very obviously nursing a hangover, and it infuriated Sanria. "So. You were drunk. So what do you two want?"
"I just... I had a bit too much to drink and I don't quite remember what happened last night."
"You don't?" Sanria tried to keep her voice even. It wasn't working.
"I, uh, sort of remember talking to Kaliadra. And then I thought maybe I dreamed of, um, being with you. But maybe that wasn't a dream after all..."
"No. It wasn't."
"I... I just don't know how to do this Sanria. I thought I could. I really did..."
"What do you mean, you thought you could?" And here, panic crept into Sanria's mind. This couldn't be happening.
"Be without you. Live without you. Bear the thought of you being with him, a part of some other family. It's not right Sanria. It's just not. I know it, and you know it."
"I'm married to him, Colin... I'm pregnant with his child. I... do... love him. Maybe not like I should, Gods know... but..." The words all sounded so familiar, it sickened Sanria of her own self.
"I know you two are married. But Sanria Eosos? It doesn't even sound right."
Sanria looked to the fire. He had echoed the same exact thought she had from the moment the wedding had concluded, the same thought she had each day she woke and looked herself in the mirror. What she couldn't admit to anyone- ever. "I thought doing what I did with Kaliadra might somehow change things..." he continued. "Put an end to it... force me to do what I thought I couldn't otherwise. But, Sanria, it just hurts even more."
"Yes. It does."
"I don't know how to live with that hole inside of me. You are supposed to be with me. You are supposed to be my wife. Nothing else has been so clear to me."
He got up and came to her, his hands held before him, and Sanria felt as if he were begging. She had to maintain her resolve. "You told me that it was for the best..." she reminded him.
"It's just eating me up inside. I thought it would get easier... but it's only killing me more and more."
He neared her, and Sanria felt the gravity as sure and as strong as ever. Always, it was the same. The mere proximity of Colin had the same outcome as two drops of water within a short distance. Molecules vibrating until they collide and merge, and so it was when Colin reached out and pulled her suddenly to him. "This is supposed to be our time together. Really together, like we haven't been for so long."
Sanria felt him breathing in her hair, felt herself melting into him as he held her. She finally resisted, though she could not exit his grasp.
"Colin... you have to let go..." she said quietly.
"I don't want to ever let you go Sanria."
"Colin... I'm with Gilean... I am with him now..."
"But you aren't supposed to be with him. You're supposed to be with me."
Sanria did resist, much more than before. She threatened, telling Colin she would not see him again no matter what. She bargained and asked him to leave her alone, but her words were nothing against the forces working in her body. She hated how weak she was, how incapable she was of simply leaving or using magic to keep Colin at bay. It was the one thing he knew about her, the power he held over her, the physical.
"I'm with Gilean, Colin. I'm his wife," she protested half-heartedly.
"No. I don't see you as his wife. You will forever be my wife. You belong to me."
He begged her to stay, but with her body sated, Sanria's mind could at last work again. "I will not see you again, Colin. Ever. This can never happen again."
"Please, don't say that."
"What about Gilean? Wasn't he your friend?"
"I don't care about Gilean."
"What about Matinus? Nioma?"
"Stop... I don't want to hear it."
"You need to hear it," she pressed. "This cannot happen again. I will make sure it doesn't."
Sanria disappeared to the safety of her office, sending a tell to Gilean to inform him she'd be working late. She sunk down into her chair, her head in her hands. Why she could never do what she meant to do, Sanria did not understand. It seemed every step she took was the wrong one. A matter of inability to stay on one path. 'No,' she thought to herself, 'this time will be different. This time, I will make this stop. I have to.'
Crashing the Party
The "adventure" had been a success. Gilean, Sanria, Matinus, and Nioma had all arrived in the remotest section Myth Drannor. Matinus had been in awe of the woods and immediately took Nioma under his wing, protectively showing her around and taking care to keep her safe. Gilean had also been attentive to Sanria's every need - ensuring that she wanted for nothing. Though Sanria felt at first the trip was a diversion that kept her from thinking about her feelings, she slowly found herself relaxing into the slower pace of the woods. They had found a place in one of the ancient houses to stay where the children could run about safely without fear.
Time seemed to slow, and as Gilean patiently tended the entire family, Sanria began to feel that perhaps she could dedicate herself to him. It was a commitment that grew easier for her to see. Her new life was here already, she only had to step into it.
That night, the children were already tucked in. Gilean kissed Sanria's hand and smiled at her. "I'm going to take a little walk, maybe get some firewood... would you like to come along?"
"It's been a long day," she replied, smiling back.
"Have you enjoyed the trip?"
"More than you could imagine. I'm... really glad we came."
"So am I." Gilean walked to the door. "I will be back, my dear."
"I'll be waiting."
As Gilean disappeared, Sanria walked to the bed and dropped her robes. She slipped beneath the covers, pulling them over her, admiring the smell of the forest on them. She closed her eyes, and the sound of magic made her smile. A body plopped into bed beside her and she threw her arm over a chest. "You're back," she said with a smile.
"Yes. I am."
Sanria's eyes opened quickly at the sound of the voice. Colin grabbed her tightly to him. He was half dressed, and the smell of alcohol rolled off his breath as he kissed her with drunken passion.
Time seemed to slow, and as Gilean patiently tended the entire family, Sanria began to feel that perhaps she could dedicate herself to him. It was a commitment that grew easier for her to see. Her new life was here already, she only had to step into it.
That night, the children were already tucked in. Gilean kissed Sanria's hand and smiled at her. "I'm going to take a little walk, maybe get some firewood... would you like to come along?"
"It's been a long day," she replied, smiling back.
"Have you enjoyed the trip?"
"More than you could imagine. I'm... really glad we came."
"So am I." Gilean walked to the door. "I will be back, my dear."
"I'll be waiting."
As Gilean disappeared, Sanria walked to the bed and dropped her robes. She slipped beneath the covers, pulling them over her, admiring the smell of the forest on them. She closed her eyes, and the sound of magic made her smile. A body plopped into bed beside her and she threw her arm over a chest. "You're back," she said with a smile.
"Yes. I am."
Sanria's eyes opened quickly at the sound of the voice. Colin grabbed her tightly to him. He was half dressed, and the smell of alcohol rolled off his breath as he kissed her with drunken passion.
Family Adventures
"Colin and Kaliadra slept together." Sanria blurted the words out before she could be bothered to form them in any other way. She couldn't hide the pain and she could barely look at Gilean. She hated the fact that after all her attempts at controlling the situation, all her retaliatory slaps to the face, she still couldn't manage to keep herself from looking the fool.
"Well... that seems odd."
"She did it to hurt me, to force me to stay-" And Sanria cut herself off. She waited for Gilean to understand, but it seemed he was perfectly willing to ignore what the implication meant.
"Well of course you would be hurt, you still have feelings for Colin." Sanria was stunned into a silence from which she could only nod. This was not at all the reaction she anticipated. "I'm so sorry they did this to you," he continued. "That wasn't fair of either of them."
There was no way this could be what he thought... did he not understand that she had been on the verge of going back? She let out a long sigh and shook her head. "Well... they deserve each other."
"I had been planning in secret, but I think now would be a good time to let you in on my plans - I want to take you and the kids on an adventure. Me, you, Matinus, and Nioma. We'll get away from all of this."
Panic shot up into Sanria's thoughts, but they were soon quelled by the gold-flecked eyes that smiled into hers. No matter what, Gilean was her husband, and now she truly had to take the time to settle into that fact. Colin made his choice to push her away, she'd never see him again if she could at all help it. Gilean sat there, waiting with a soft smile for her reply. She nodded slowly and he leaned his forehead to hers. "Good. Let's leave tomorrow," he whispered.
"Tomorrow..."
"Why not?"
Why not... there was nothing else for her to do. She knew the clan was always in capable hands and Colin was no longer hers to consider. She reached up and took his wrist in her hand and managed to smile. "Alright. Let's go."
"Well... that seems odd."
"She did it to hurt me, to force me to stay-" And Sanria cut herself off. She waited for Gilean to understand, but it seemed he was perfectly willing to ignore what the implication meant.
"Well of course you would be hurt, you still have feelings for Colin." Sanria was stunned into a silence from which she could only nod. This was not at all the reaction she anticipated. "I'm so sorry they did this to you," he continued. "That wasn't fair of either of them."
There was no way this could be what he thought... did he not understand that she had been on the verge of going back? She let out a long sigh and shook her head. "Well... they deserve each other."
"I had been planning in secret, but I think now would be a good time to let you in on my plans - I want to take you and the kids on an adventure. Me, you, Matinus, and Nioma. We'll get away from all of this."
Panic shot up into Sanria's thoughts, but they were soon quelled by the gold-flecked eyes that smiled into hers. No matter what, Gilean was her husband, and now she truly had to take the time to settle into that fact. Colin made his choice to push her away, she'd never see him again if she could at all help it. Gilean sat there, waiting with a soft smile for her reply. She nodded slowly and he leaned his forehead to hers. "Good. Let's leave tomorrow," he whispered.
"Tomorrow..."
"Why not?"
Why not... there was nothing else for her to do. She knew the clan was always in capable hands and Colin was no longer hers to consider. She reached up and took his wrist in her hand and managed to smile. "Alright. Let's go."
I Just Want to Make Things Right (2/3)
Mirin felt her father's uneasiness at the sight of her. She gave an inward chuckle, Gilean never was good at hiding his emotions. He insisted on refreshing her, and though she didn't feel any need for it, she allowed her father to lay on hands to heal up every bit of ache and wear on her soul. She was grateful - the statement she'd come to make was certain to wear her down. "Tell me, what is it Mirin."
'Dad... it's about Sanria and you... and Colin,' she telepathed.
"Me, Sanria, and Colin?"
'I know you and Sanria got married and you're together but... I don't... I don't think it's the way it's supposed to be.'
"You don't think it's the way it's supposed to be?"
'She's supposed to be with Colin, Dad.' And pain came onto her father's face.
She couldn't meet his eyes, knowing that she was crossing a line that wasn't hers to cross, but she conjured up the image of Mr. Stone pacing and lost. "How do you determine this?" Gilean interrupted.
'You're good at being alone, Dad... and... you haven't been much of a Dad. Colin... he isn't good at being alone. Even though he's got me and Orn and the babies...'
"Look, Mirin... I know I've had some tough times. I'm so sorry for that. I'm doing everything I can to be a better father... and grandfather. How... how do you figure I'm better at being alone then him?"
'You've done it and... you have a place to go and something to do with your time. You go lose yourself in healing people. You have a way to be alone and not be alone... Colin... doesn't.'
Gilean stared at his lap and Mirin felt more guilty than ever before. She did love her father, she did care. But the idea that he was behind the tear down of the Stones was too much. She'd grown up knowing Orn's mother and father. They were together, always.
'This was supposed to be how they got back together, Dad... He went away to get fixed and now he's fixed...'
"I'm sorry if I've been a bad father to you Mirin... so sorry. I don't mean to have hurt you. But if you think I should be punished because of that..."
'Punished? No... no it's not a punishment, Dad. It's making things right.'
"Making things right? Mirin, things finally are right for me. Velentham's gone, Sanria's back, Matinus and Nioma have a whole family, and Sanria and I are going to have a baby."
'... then... fix it Dad... let her go where she belongs. Colin's a great dad... he would be great taking care of the kids. Even Matinus.'
"Mirin, it's not Sanria and Colin anymore. Sanria is my wife. She had chosen to be with me. I'm sorry if Colin is missing something, but what you're suggesting... I would be missing everything. Even my own son."
'Dad... it's about Sanria and you... and Colin,' she telepathed.
"Me, Sanria, and Colin?"
'I know you and Sanria got married and you're together but... I don't... I don't think it's the way it's supposed to be.'
"You don't think it's the way it's supposed to be?"
'She's supposed to be with Colin, Dad.' And pain came onto her father's face.
She couldn't meet his eyes, knowing that she was crossing a line that wasn't hers to cross, but she conjured up the image of Mr. Stone pacing and lost. "How do you determine this?" Gilean interrupted.
'You're good at being alone, Dad... and... you haven't been much of a Dad. Colin... he isn't good at being alone. Even though he's got me and Orn and the babies...'
"Look, Mirin... I know I've had some tough times. I'm so sorry for that. I'm doing everything I can to be a better father... and grandfather. How... how do you figure I'm better at being alone then him?"
'You've done it and... you have a place to go and something to do with your time. You go lose yourself in healing people. You have a way to be alone and not be alone... Colin... doesn't.'
Gilean stared at his lap and Mirin felt more guilty than ever before. She did love her father, she did care. But the idea that he was behind the tear down of the Stones was too much. She'd grown up knowing Orn's mother and father. They were together, always.
'This was supposed to be how they got back together, Dad... He went away to get fixed and now he's fixed...'
"I'm sorry if I've been a bad father to you Mirin... so sorry. I don't mean to have hurt you. But if you think I should be punished because of that..."
'Punished? No... no it's not a punishment, Dad. It's making things right.'
"Making things right? Mirin, things finally are right for me. Velentham's gone, Sanria's back, Matinus and Nioma have a whole family, and Sanria and I are going to have a baby."
'... then... fix it Dad... let her go where she belongs. Colin's a great dad... he would be great taking care of the kids. Even Matinus.'
"Mirin, it's not Sanria and Colin anymore. Sanria is my wife. She had chosen to be with me. I'm sorry if Colin is missing something, but what you're suggesting... I would be missing everything. Even my own son."
Stomping the Fire
Sanria stared at the books in front of her. She hadn't been back to the cottage yet. She knew Gilean would probably be wondering where she'd gone. No, she couldn't go back yet. She had something she had to do. In a hasty utterance of spell, she appeared beside Colin and before the man could look up, laid a smack across his face that left her hand stinging. "You could have fucked anyone in the whole of the realms..."
He didn't beg. He didn't plead. He barely said more than 'Yes' and 'No.'
"You win," she said, walking to the door.
"...no, not me."
"Yes. You. This is what you wanted. If not, you wouldn't have stuffed yourself inside my friend when she prostituted her body to you. Though, I suppose she's not my friend anymore. And neither are you."
"I'm sorry. And I understand."
His absolute agreement with her words made her furious and the well of pain that much deeper. "Anyone... and you chose her."
"And you chose Gilean."
"You KNOW why," she said, storming back to meet him eye to eye.
"Yes. I do. And, unfortunately, those reasons are right."
"But you came back to us, and if you had given me time to sort out how, I..." She stopped, her agony getting the better of her. What she was admitting... was so devious to the man she had wed.
"No, I'm sorry Sanria. There wasn't a way. But you and Gilean will be happy. You have Matinus and Nioma and your baby. Yours and his. You will be happy."
"No. We won't be, Colin... I don't trust anyone... and I never will again. I suppose it's just what I deserve after how I've lived my life."
"No Sanria... don't do that. He hasn't done anything to wrong you."
"The people closest to me... and one who keeps me alive... have run me into the ground. If the people closest to you can hurt you to the point of agony... who else is left to trust?"
Sanria left and walked into the forest. She followed the stream until she dropped to her knees and poured her soul onto the boulder at her side in the form of tears. She sat there for a long time, long after she had stopped crying. She never once looked up. She had finally reaped what she'd sewn... but no... she wasn't yet done. Not yet.
He didn't beg. He didn't plead. He barely said more than 'Yes' and 'No.'
"You win," she said, walking to the door.
"...no, not me."
"Yes. You. This is what you wanted. If not, you wouldn't have stuffed yourself inside my friend when she prostituted her body to you. Though, I suppose she's not my friend anymore. And neither are you."
"I'm sorry. And I understand."
His absolute agreement with her words made her furious and the well of pain that much deeper. "Anyone... and you chose her."
"And you chose Gilean."
"You KNOW why," she said, storming back to meet him eye to eye.
"Yes. I do. And, unfortunately, those reasons are right."
"But you came back to us, and if you had given me time to sort out how, I..." She stopped, her agony getting the better of her. What she was admitting... was so devious to the man she had wed.
"No, I'm sorry Sanria. There wasn't a way. But you and Gilean will be happy. You have Matinus and Nioma and your baby. Yours and his. You will be happy."
"No. We won't be, Colin... I don't trust anyone... and I never will again. I suppose it's just what I deserve after how I've lived my life."
"No Sanria... don't do that. He hasn't done anything to wrong you."
"The people closest to me... and one who keeps me alive... have run me into the ground. If the people closest to you can hurt you to the point of agony... who else is left to trust?"
Sanria left and walked into the forest. She followed the stream until she dropped to her knees and poured her soul onto the boulder at her side in the form of tears. She sat there for a long time, long after she had stopped crying. She never once looked up. She had finally reaped what she'd sewn... but no... she wasn't yet done. Not yet.
Of Fighting Flames and Fire
Sanria smiled as Matinus read aloud. Since she'd been back, she'd spent little time with the boy. In fact, she'd spent little time with either of the children. Somehow, though, even with everything now back to normal, she felt a gulf of a distance, and it was growing. She had Nioma, from whom she felt a tad disjointed; Matinus, who adored her but still left Sanria feeling separate; and a baby on the way for yet a third time. The baby. How many times had she lost a child now? She did the quick math in her mind... five. Death seemed to be a companion of Sanria's.
She held Nioma in her lap now - the girl having squirmed up to listen to Matinus read - and thought over her relationship with Gilean. Enmach warned her against getting married so fast, yet she'd done it anyway, and had found a measure of happiness. She loved Gilean, she tried to remind herself, but the truth was... he'd been perfectly what she'd needed. Had Colin gone on as he was, no memories, she'd have continued to grow in her love with Gilean. Now, however, she felt Colin's gravity pulling and she didn't want to fight it. She wanted to go home where everything was right... but was it?
A sigh escaped her and Matinus paused. The boy seemed alert to any passing emotion, as though he knew how to tread softly the minefield of the heart to best protect himself and others. She smiled, and he smiled in return, then resumed reading. Sanria shook her head. She loved Matinus.She loved Nioma. She loved Gilean. This was her home, now. This was her life. No matter what she thought or felt about Colin, she couldn't go back to him. She would have to find a way to stop her heart from wishing itself everywhere but here.
Sanria made up her mind in that moment, for better or worse. She would push the emotions she felt for Colin onto Gilean. The bittersweet love would have to shift. As if on cue, Gilean entered the room and she caught his expression of bliss. He, right now, had everything he wanted. She was part of his greatest joy. He looked over at her, his face a warm smile. This was something she had to do. She looked at him and smiled in return.
She held Nioma in her lap now - the girl having squirmed up to listen to Matinus read - and thought over her relationship with Gilean. Enmach warned her against getting married so fast, yet she'd done it anyway, and had found a measure of happiness. She loved Gilean, she tried to remind herself, but the truth was... he'd been perfectly what she'd needed. Had Colin gone on as he was, no memories, she'd have continued to grow in her love with Gilean. Now, however, she felt Colin's gravity pulling and she didn't want to fight it. She wanted to go home where everything was right... but was it?
A sigh escaped her and Matinus paused. The boy seemed alert to any passing emotion, as though he knew how to tread softly the minefield of the heart to best protect himself and others. She smiled, and he smiled in return, then resumed reading. Sanria shook her head. She loved Matinus.She loved Nioma. She loved Gilean. This was her home, now. This was her life. No matter what she thought or felt about Colin, she couldn't go back to him. She would have to find a way to stop her heart from wishing itself everywhere but here.
Sanria made up her mind in that moment, for better or worse. She would push the emotions she felt for Colin onto Gilean. The bittersweet love would have to shift. As if on cue, Gilean entered the room and she caught his expression of bliss. He, right now, had everything he wanted. She was part of his greatest joy. He looked over at her, his face a warm smile. This was something she had to do. She looked at him and smiled in return.
Tiny Infants, Looming Saddness
Sanria and Gilean walked to the cavern. They could have used magic, but in truth, the walk was sorely needed. He had talked her into going to visit the babies at the cavern where Orn and Mirin had filled the void left behind by Leandra's exodus. They strolled through the woods, hand in hand, Sanria sneaking tiny glances over at the silvery-haired young man. Even with all the stresses that had been heaped upon him, he still looked young. She had noticed the same could no longer be said for her. She was entirely dependent upon Kaliadra for her life and it was clear that the elf had very slowly aged. It was reflected in Sanria's tiny little lines. Gilean assured her the magic woven by Velentham would fade and when it did, she'd once again be on track for a date with death in the future. A blessed relief that she'd welcome... but for now...
They arrived to be greeted by Colin with an infant in each arm. They were tiny, but beautiful, with a shock of purplish hair on their heads. As soon as Sanria and Gilean walked in, Sanria could feel the slow rise of tension. Colin had eyes only for her, and she knew the message he was trying to telepath - she'd seen it many times before. Seeing her was torture for him and each time they'd connect their eyes, she'd feel the undying devotion, the bittersweet longing for their life together that, now, they'd never have. She was shocked to feel the same sensation tugging at her chest. Colin seemed to reserve his smiles only for her, and stayed at her side, near enough that she could feel the warmth rolling from him.
If she could have, Sanria would have closed her eyes and drifted into the large arms. This had been their dream, to have him well so they could finally be together like they were so long ago, but it was cruel how life played the final card. As though he could sense it, Gilean came near, handing Regina back to Colin, with the announcement that they had to return to their own family. Matinus... Nioma... the cottage... yes. That was her home now... not this place, not this man. Sanria could not keep herself from looking back until the door had closed behind them.
That night she admitted her feelings to Gilean, who seemed to take them in like a dry pill. She did love him, she did choose him, she would try her best... all words she'd spoken before. She felt the bitter resentment rise in her and all she wanted was to go out to spit once more on the grave of Velentham. Instead, Gilean settled her, made love to her, and once he slept, she crept from the bed, down the stairs and to the mound outside. "I hate you," she whispered. "You ruined my life." And Sanria began digging to claw at the corpse with her bare hands.
They arrived to be greeted by Colin with an infant in each arm. They were tiny, but beautiful, with a shock of purplish hair on their heads. As soon as Sanria and Gilean walked in, Sanria could feel the slow rise of tension. Colin had eyes only for her, and she knew the message he was trying to telepath - she'd seen it many times before. Seeing her was torture for him and each time they'd connect their eyes, she'd feel the undying devotion, the bittersweet longing for their life together that, now, they'd never have. She was shocked to feel the same sensation tugging at her chest. Colin seemed to reserve his smiles only for her, and stayed at her side, near enough that she could feel the warmth rolling from him.
If she could have, Sanria would have closed her eyes and drifted into the large arms. This had been their dream, to have him well so they could finally be together like they were so long ago, but it was cruel how life played the final card. As though he could sense it, Gilean came near, handing Regina back to Colin, with the announcement that they had to return to their own family. Matinus... Nioma... the cottage... yes. That was her home now... not this place, not this man. Sanria could not keep herself from looking back until the door had closed behind them.
That night she admitted her feelings to Gilean, who seemed to take them in like a dry pill. She did love him, she did choose him, she would try her best... all words she'd spoken before. She felt the bitter resentment rise in her and all she wanted was to go out to spit once more on the grave of Velentham. Instead, Gilean settled her, made love to her, and once he slept, she crept from the bed, down the stairs and to the mound outside. "I hate you," she whispered. "You ruined my life." And Sanria began digging to claw at the corpse with her bare hands.
Family Meeting
Dear Diary,
I lost it. I totally lost it. I mean, I knew that my dad had something planned when he said we had a family meeting to go to, not to bring Askari or Heiyu. It was ridiculous, there was my mom, Orn, and my dad sitting at the kitchen table. Of course they were fawning all over Orn but then... I don't know.
It's kinda like for the first time they actually listened to us, but not all the way. Like, they wanted to tell us - me and Orn - how messed up things had been but that it was all better and that we loved eachother and were a family... but my mom still wasn't going to come back home.
I just don't understand... my dad is all better finally. He isn't full of black makou, he isn't raging mad at little things, but she's still deciding to stay with Gilean. I could see how upset it made him... and when they tried to explain it to me... I broke down.
I cried like a stupid baby. Orn came over and hugged me and I don't know... it made me cry harder, but even then, he wouldn't just tell them that he wanted them back together. It's like he only wants it in secret. But, I told my mom I don't accept this new family of hers. I don't want Gilean as a stepdad, I don't want his boy as my brother... I told her she just needed to bring Nioma home and deal with her real family. I'm still moving out. No matter what, this situation isn't real until my mom realizes where she should be. She should be here with my dad. That's all there is to it.
Leandra
I lost it. I totally lost it. I mean, I knew that my dad had something planned when he said we had a family meeting to go to, not to bring Askari or Heiyu. It was ridiculous, there was my mom, Orn, and my dad sitting at the kitchen table. Of course they were fawning all over Orn but then... I don't know.
It's kinda like for the first time they actually listened to us, but not all the way. Like, they wanted to tell us - me and Orn - how messed up things had been but that it was all better and that we loved eachother and were a family... but my mom still wasn't going to come back home.
I just don't understand... my dad is all better finally. He isn't full of black makou, he isn't raging mad at little things, but she's still deciding to stay with Gilean. I could see how upset it made him... and when they tried to explain it to me... I broke down.
I cried like a stupid baby. Orn came over and hugged me and I don't know... it made me cry harder, but even then, he wouldn't just tell them that he wanted them back together. It's like he only wants it in secret. But, I told my mom I don't accept this new family of hers. I don't want Gilean as a stepdad, I don't want his boy as my brother... I told her she just needed to bring Nioma home and deal with her real family. I'm still moving out. No matter what, this situation isn't real until my mom realizes where she should be. She should be here with my dad. That's all there is to it.
Leandra
Rabbits, Thasmudyan, and Meetings
Sanria stared at Velentham's grave once more as the stream running by the cottage stumbled over rocks with grumbles. A single blade of grass was sticking out of the mounded dirt, earning Sanria's ire. Whatever grew out of that ground was feeding off of his rotting corpse. Whatever grew out of that ground was part him. Sanria lifted a finger and zapped the grass out of existence. It withered away, curling up into a blackened mass, the smoke rising into the air. If she could have destroyed the smoke, she would have done that, too. He'd destroyed a child, he'd created another, and then tried to kill her because of his sick mind goading him on. Loathing was the least of her thoughts.
A small tug at her robes caused Sanria to look down. A rabbit sat on its haunches, a small scroll attached with a string around its fat belly. She freed the message, though the rabbit sat for a long moment before leaving:
Sanria,
I know you aren't exactly happy with what happened last time. I understand, but I need to see you. Not just me, but the kids too. I'm calling a family meeting - Me, you, Orn, and Leandra. We need to sit down and talk. Leandra is moving out but she's doing it out of anger, and Orn is still hurt by everything. I just want to try to clear the air for them. Please, come tomorrow at 6. Oliver, the rabbit, will bring back a message if you want him to, or just show up.
Colin
Oliver was gone when Sanria looked back up. She had made it into the house when the doorbell rang. Thasmudyan had come by to apologize. She let him see Nioma and lamented how Maya would not let the girl come to see her sister. She looked out over the forest, feeling a hole in her chest. Thasmudyan didn't love Maya. She didn't love Thasmudyan... there was nothing to be jealous over anymore. Velentham had ripped something out of her, stomped it, and made the small things in her life trivial. Only the sight of Nioma in Thasmudyan's arms warmed her a bit.
Gilean came out and she noted the jealousy as it flashed over his face on seeing Thasmudyan. It was getting to be too much, standing here with a past on one side, a future on the other, a request to join a family for a meeting... she went into the house with Gilean, told him she would be joining Colin and the kids, then found her way back outside to stare harder at Velentham's barren hill of dirt.
A small tug at her robes caused Sanria to look down. A rabbit sat on its haunches, a small scroll attached with a string around its fat belly. She freed the message, though the rabbit sat for a long moment before leaving:
Sanria,
I know you aren't exactly happy with what happened last time. I understand, but I need to see you. Not just me, but the kids too. I'm calling a family meeting - Me, you, Orn, and Leandra. We need to sit down and talk. Leandra is moving out but she's doing it out of anger, and Orn is still hurt by everything. I just want to try to clear the air for them. Please, come tomorrow at 6. Oliver, the rabbit, will bring back a message if you want him to, or just show up.
Colin
Oliver was gone when Sanria looked back up. She had made it into the house when the doorbell rang. Thasmudyan had come by to apologize. She let him see Nioma and lamented how Maya would not let the girl come to see her sister. She looked out over the forest, feeling a hole in her chest. Thasmudyan didn't love Maya. She didn't love Thasmudyan... there was nothing to be jealous over anymore. Velentham had ripped something out of her, stomped it, and made the small things in her life trivial. Only the sight of Nioma in Thasmudyan's arms warmed her a bit.
Gilean came out and she noted the jealousy as it flashed over his face on seeing Thasmudyan. It was getting to be too much, standing here with a past on one side, a future on the other, a request to join a family for a meeting... she went into the house with Gilean, told him she would be joining Colin and the kids, then found her way back outside to stare harder at Velentham's barren hill of dirt.
Time By the Fountain
The four lion-heads each spilled out from their roaring mouths, adding a melodic trickle to the distant din of the waterfall that poured into the lake far below. Enmach and Colin sat on the edge of the fountain, and Enmach listened as Colin spoke, feeling not at all guilty for her part in separating Sanria and Colin. "A part of me feels like I went on a trip and when I came back my friend had stolen my wife away," Colin said in reference to Gilean. "To be honest, Colin, we had no way of knowing you would return. Our people did all they could do for you, and had no other recourse left with the gaps in your memory. Sanria... you see... was beyond hurt by this."
"Well, it seems she found some comfort."
"She didn't want to. I pushed her to do so."
There was a moment's shock on Colin's face as he looked over at her, still, Enmach felt no remorse. "You... what?" "I pushed her to seek out Ror when he asked for her to join him on a midnight picnic. I did not disparage her when she found comfort in Gilean's arms, though I advised against such a quick marriage... She needed to move on, Colin."
"But I was back. Sanria and I even found ourselves together... Now I couldn't feel all she felt but..."
"Colin... she remembered everything, even all the hurt you caused her, and you could not. There was no comparison to what she remembered and what you didn't. It is hardly even when that is a consideration. I am sorry it upsets you. But I also saw the pain it caused her being near you."
"So now I get to be the one in pain, is that it?"
"I did not do this with the intention of harming you. In fact, our being together was a way for you to also see you could move on past not remembering."
"So you calculated that?"
"In part. Though I also found joy in it."
"Great," Colin said, and put his head in his hands.
"Why do you insist on seeing it negatively? Did you not enjoy our time together as I did?" Enmach said these words without a twinge of feeling. Her emotions could not be reached. They were not a necessary part to her conversation now.
"Well, yes, but now it just feels like it was at least partially
motivated by pity. Not exactly the best feeling."
"Pity? No. Education. You can still move on, Colin."
"What if I don't want to move on?"
"Then there will be hardships ahead for more than just yourself."
Enmach listened and spoke when appropriate. Colin wanted Sanria back, and from everything Sanria said about him, Colin wasn't one to give up. Not easily, at least. Though she, too, had dealings with Colin, she did not have a stake in his future. She could speak freely - reminding him of Gilean, Matinus, and Nioma, the family struggling to survive. She planted the seed of his moving on to someone else, Kaliadra perhaps. What Enmach saw, however, was a man beside himself. She had no blame to place.
"Well, it seems she found some comfort."
"She didn't want to. I pushed her to do so."
There was a moment's shock on Colin's face as he looked over at her, still, Enmach felt no remorse. "You... what?" "I pushed her to seek out Ror when he asked for her to join him on a midnight picnic. I did not disparage her when she found comfort in Gilean's arms, though I advised against such a quick marriage... She needed to move on, Colin."
"But I was back. Sanria and I even found ourselves together... Now I couldn't feel all she felt but..."
"Colin... she remembered everything, even all the hurt you caused her, and you could not. There was no comparison to what she remembered and what you didn't. It is hardly even when that is a consideration. I am sorry it upsets you. But I also saw the pain it caused her being near you."
"So now I get to be the one in pain, is that it?"
"I did not do this with the intention of harming you. In fact, our being together was a way for you to also see you could move on past not remembering."
"So you calculated that?"
"In part. Though I also found joy in it."
"Great," Colin said, and put his head in his hands.
"Why do you insist on seeing it negatively? Did you not enjoy our time together as I did?" Enmach said these words without a twinge of feeling. Her emotions could not be reached. They were not a necessary part to her conversation now.
"Well, yes, but now it just feels like it was at least partially
motivated by pity. Not exactly the best feeling."
"Pity? No. Education. You can still move on, Colin."
"What if I don't want to move on?"
"Then there will be hardships ahead for more than just yourself."
Enmach listened and spoke when appropriate. Colin wanted Sanria back, and from everything Sanria said about him, Colin wasn't one to give up. Not easily, at least. Though she, too, had dealings with Colin, she did not have a stake in his future. She could speak freely - reminding him of Gilean, Matinus, and Nioma, the family struggling to survive. She planted the seed of his moving on to someone else, Kaliadra perhaps. What Enmach saw, however, was a man beside himself. She had no blame to place.
Chasing Rainbows
Sanria woke to a cool side of the bed, slightly indented, a small note atop Gilean's pillow: "Didn't want to disturb you, took the kids to the temple, enjoy some alone time." She rose and wrapped herself in a housecoat. Even Kaliadra was nowhere to be found.
After standing a long time staring at Nioma's small bed, Sanria wandered to the back of the cottage. She then passed time staring between the grave of her long dead daughter, Emalia, and the fresh mound of earth under which lay the father of her unborn. She stared again for long moments, her mind threatening to knock her to her knees, then spit on the grave. It did nothing to alleviate the sick feeling inside knowing that Velentham would forever be right outside her door.
She went back inside and dressed, appearing at the castle. Things here were exactly as they had always been. It seemed no one knew of her absence, save Enmach, who delightedly hugged her and congratulated her for being back. "Are you certain you should be here already?" Enmach asked with a concerned look. "You only just returned. It may be best if you return home." Sanria could tell by the tone of her voice it wasn't truly a question.
By herself in the cottage, looking into a fire, Sanria felt the tears welling up in her eyes. 'Pregnancy hormones,' she thought, but knew it was more than that. She, for the first time, was able to sit and dwell on what had been done to her. There were no distractions from her own mind and its recollections.
Before she had the chance to shed a tear, however, the sounds of music reached Sanria's ears. She held her breath as the sounds of voices were heard, harmonizing a refrain:
"I doth not want to live without thine love,
I doth not want to face the night alone,
I couldest not make it through mine life,
If I must hath make it on mine own..."
After standing a long time staring at Nioma's small bed, Sanria wandered to the back of the cottage. She then passed time staring between the grave of her long dead daughter, Emalia, and the fresh mound of earth under which lay the father of her unborn. She stared again for long moments, her mind threatening to knock her to her knees, then spit on the grave. It did nothing to alleviate the sick feeling inside knowing that Velentham would forever be right outside her door.
She went back inside and dressed, appearing at the castle. Things here were exactly as they had always been. It seemed no one knew of her absence, save Enmach, who delightedly hugged her and congratulated her for being back. "Are you certain you should be here already?" Enmach asked with a concerned look. "You only just returned. It may be best if you return home." Sanria could tell by the tone of her voice it wasn't truly a question.
By herself in the cottage, looking into a fire, Sanria felt the tears welling up in her eyes. 'Pregnancy hormones,' she thought, but knew it was more than that. She, for the first time, was able to sit and dwell on what had been done to her. There were no distractions from her own mind and its recollections.
Before she had the chance to shed a tear, however, the sounds of music reached Sanria's ears. She held her breath as the sounds of voices were heard, harmonizing a refrain:
"I doth not want to live without thine love,
I doth not want to face the night alone,
I couldest not make it through mine life,
If I must hath make it on mine own..."
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