'Sanria?'
'What? What do you want?!'
'I want to know if you could spare a few moments, I'm here with Colin.'
'Is that so? Are you on your knees with him this time? What more can you do to me, Kaliadra? You send him to me and then you turn prostitute again?'
'It is not that way, I assure you...'
'You assure me, you whore. Leave me be. You've done enough already.'
'Please... I will only ask this then do as you bid.'
Sanria growled her spell and appeared in her old den where Kaliadra sat beside Colin. The gladiator was very obviously nursing a hangover, and it infuriated Sanria. "So. You were drunk. So what do you two want?"
"I just... I had a bit too much to drink and I don't quite remember what happened last night."
"You don't?" Sanria tried to keep her voice even. It wasn't working.
"I, uh, sort of remember talking to Kaliadra. And then I thought maybe I dreamed of, um, being with you. But maybe that wasn't a dream after all..."
"No. It wasn't."
"I... I just don't know how to do this Sanria. I thought I could. I really did..."
"What do you mean, you thought you could?" And here, panic crept into Sanria's mind. This couldn't be happening.
"Be without you. Live without you. Bear the thought of you being with him, a part of some other family. It's not right Sanria. It's just not. I know it, and you know it."
"I'm married to him, Colin... I'm pregnant with his child. I... do... love him. Maybe not like I should, Gods know... but..." The words all sounded so familiar, it sickened Sanria of her own self.
"I know you two are married. But Sanria Eosos? It doesn't even sound right."
Sanria looked to the fire. He had echoed the same exact thought she had from the moment the wedding had concluded, the same thought she had each day she woke and looked herself in the mirror. What she couldn't admit to anyone- ever. "I thought doing what I did with Kaliadra might somehow change things..." he continued. "Put an end to it... force me to do what I thought I couldn't otherwise. But, Sanria, it just hurts even more."
"Yes. It does."
"I don't know how to live with that hole inside of me. You are supposed to be with me. You are supposed to be my wife. Nothing else has been so clear to me."
He got up and came to her, his hands held before him, and Sanria felt as if he were begging. She had to maintain her resolve. "You told me that it was for the best..." she reminded him.
"It's just eating me up inside. I thought it would get easier... but it's only killing me more and more."
He neared her, and Sanria felt the gravity as sure and as strong as ever. Always, it was the same. The mere proximity of Colin had the same outcome as two drops of water within a short distance. Molecules vibrating until they collide and merge, and so it was when Colin reached out and pulled her suddenly to him. "This is supposed to be our time together. Really together, like we haven't been for so long."
Sanria felt him breathing in her hair, felt herself melting into him as he held her. She finally resisted, though she could not exit his grasp.
"Colin... you have to let go..." she said quietly.
"I don't want to ever let you go Sanria."
"Colin... I'm with Gilean... I am with him now..."
"But you aren't supposed to be with him. You're supposed to be with me."
Sanria did resist, much more than before. She threatened, telling Colin she would not see him again no matter what. She bargained and asked him to leave her alone, but her words were nothing against the forces working in her body. She hated how weak she was, how incapable she was of simply leaving or using magic to keep Colin at bay. It was the one thing he knew about her, the power he held over her, the physical.
"I'm with Gilean, Colin. I'm his wife," she protested half-heartedly.
"No. I don't see you as his wife. You will forever be my wife. You belong to me."
He begged her to stay, but with her body sated, Sanria's mind could at last work again. "I will not see you again, Colin. Ever. This can never happen again."
"Please, don't say that."
"What about Gilean? Wasn't he your friend?"
"I don't care about Gilean."
"What about Matinus? Nioma?"
"Stop... I don't want to hear it."
"You need to hear it," she pressed. "This cannot happen again. I will make sure it doesn't."
Sanria disappeared to the safety of her office, sending a tell to Gilean to inform him she'd be working late. She sunk down into her chair, her head in her hands. Why she could never do what she meant to do, Sanria did not understand. It seemed every step she took was the wrong one. A matter of inability to stay on one path. 'No,' she thought to herself, 'this time will be different. This time, I will make this stop. I have to.'
