Trip

She hadn't managed to get the stick to work since they'd left the Grove. It disheartened her a bit, for through that stick was her opportunity to not only speak through nature, but to speak to the little boy that she now knew, beyond all doubt, was her son. She felt close to him, and the little boy appeared to thrive under the newfound adoration showered on him by his mother. She even felt closer to Colin, as if she somehow knew that because they, together, had created the little boy, they, too, belonged.

She had decided to wear the wedding band, to be Colin's wife and Orn's mother, even if she couldn't remember the wedding or the birth. The decision put an absolute look of elation on Colin's face and it warmed her. All that remained was for him to visit with Arlenia and to work on the final piece of the puzzle. She busied herself with secretly gathering information, buying his passage, and packing Colin's things. That night, she slept soundly - disturbed only by a single dream where a pair of disembodied glowing green eyes peered down on her.

The next day, Colin was not pleased, but seemed to calm himself under the realization that she had redevoted herself to him and their son. The trip was no ruse or an attempt to shove him back with Arlenia. He left bogged down with more packs than he probably needed and Sanria looked down at Orn with a smile. "It's just us, now. I think we'll go outside."

She picked up the little boy and wandered out to the stream, sitting beneath a pine that leaned precariously out over the water. She watched as the little boy crawled toward the water and sat splashing happily in the stream, a contented smile on her face. Colin's interpretation of her dream came back in an echo. "Throm had green eyes..." She just didn't remember this man or whether the eyes in her dream were the same. She pushed the thought from her mind as soon as Orn toppled into the water. Chuckling, she lifted the boy into her arms, getting herself sopping wet in an attempt to make the child laugh once more.

Oak

The walk to the Grove was pleasant. It seemed whenever she got the chance to be outside, the very air calmed her, and when they strode through the forest, the scent of pine and loam relaxed her to the core. The Grove was even more calming and soothing, the appearance of an Elder Druid the only thing that momentarily set her on edge. "The Family Stone. Welcome."

Colin told the Elder Druid what had come to pass and also informed him that he wanted to check on Orn's abilities or lack thereof. With a gentle demeanor, the Druid took Orn over to a very stout oak and placed a hand upon it. She watched as the little boy who at once was laughing and squealing went into a sudden hush. "He hears the music of the ancients." Both the Druid and the boy laughed, hearing something only they shared. It tugged at Sanria knowing she once had that ability.

After determining Orn did have magical abilities, the Druid focused on her. He took her to the oak, chanting, and placing her hand upon it. While she felt nothing, the Druid was able to assess her. And it appeared she had homework. "You chant this upon every walk you take, it is the thanks and offerings to the many trees. If you can speak to them, you will learn all you ever need know." The Druid handed her a leaf upon which was scrawled an enchantment. It wasn't enough.

"What about my memories," she asked.

"There are some blessings we should be grateful for - and this - so says the venerable oak - is one of those. You had a heavy heart. Take comfort in the lightness you've been granted. Let the present be the present and look not to the past for definition. You have been given a gift. Take it and make the most of it. All else will fall into place in time."

It wasn't what she had hoped for. The Druid stopped by Orn and knelt down to the boy. With a chant, he handed Orn a stick which sent the tiny boy into peals of squealing ecstasy. With a farewell, the Druid disappeared. None of this was what was supposed to be happening. This trip was supposed to be her answer and help her, not leave her more confused.

Orn suddenly held out his stick, babbling to her. She gave a meek smile and reached up, taking hold of it. In shock, she heard the little baby as clearly as if he had spoken aloud, 'Mama share Orn stick!'

'Mama?' she asked, staring at the boy who just as seriously stared back at her. Suddenly he broke into a smile so much like his father's.

'Mama! Orn mama.!'

A sudden warmth flooded her, as though for the first time she saw clearly that this was her son. Colin was his father. She was his mother. All the times of feeling as though she didn't belong. It was a warmth breaking through the chill, light in the darkness. She looked at Colin with a deep grin. "He is my son..."

"Yes," Colin said, smiling back. "He is."

Orn

The next day she found Colin already in the kitchen with Orn. The boy sat in his highchair, attempting to feed himself. Greeted with a cheerful, "good morning," she went about the business of trying to discover a good tea to drink. This woman had so many jars of so many herbs and spices it was mindboggling. She slid one toward her that sounded particularly fancy, 'Pennyroyal Tea.' "Is this tea good?" She held the jar out to Colin.

"You, um, mainly used it as part of a process to prevent pregnancy. It wasn't ex- actly a regular drinker."

"Oh... that's something that I hadn't... ah... hadn't really thought about." She may not have remembered Colin, but her body certainly had...

"Yeah, I guess I hadn't really either. That was something you normally did on your own."

"Well, I can't exactly cast spells. So... looks like nightly visits are out until I can."

"You can't work magic anymore?"

She shook her head. "I know I should know how but... nothing."

"Well... maybe we should take a trip to the druid grove."

Colin filled her in on the Druid's Grove and she found herself wondering more about the woman, Sanria. She had grown up in the Grove, she had lost a child in the grove... and the idea of losing children and having children brought her back around to Arlenia. It seemed a little bit of a sore topic because it inevitably brought them around to discussing why Colin wasn't trying to make a family with Arlenia. The inevitable answer being, "So long as I can't return her affections the way she deserves... I just can't feel right being in a relationship with her."

"Now that I'm no longer in the way, maybe you should learn to love that Arlenia girl and be a family. You could take Orn and you could learn to love her... well, let yourself."

"Sanria... if that was where I wanted to be, that is where I would be. I'm not here because I feel trapped here."

"I'm not saying you do. Or that you are... But I know you have a child on the way and well... with all the foolishness that is life, why not go for it and not let anything stand in your way?"

"Sanria, that _is_ what I'm doing."

"I don't understand... she's pregnant with your child. I'm not. I... don't even know you."

"You are the woman I love... and we do have a child. And I know you don't know me, but you are getting to."

She couldn't understand why this man kept claiming to be in love with her, and she argued the point - he was in love with a memory. She had nothing, not even a recollection of her last name ("Stone" he informed her). It wouldn't do. She didn't feel comfortable playing into his delusion. She would just have to leave the cavern and stay elsewhere like she'd originally planned.

The whole discussion went downhill quickly and when Colin discerned her plan, he simply looked dejected and cowed. She felt her heart tugged strongly at the large man, hanging his head and the little boy coated in oatmeal and asleep in the remainder of his breakfast. She sat down once more and was treated to the story of Colin being infused with black makou and just how bad things were for him when she wasn't around. She sat listening and thinking - was this really terrible? A man who clearly adored her, a little boy who was supposedly her son... what did it matter to her? She could simply stay in the guest room and help Colin remain calm. It would cost her nothing, really.