Lights

It was cold. Very cold. The kind of cold that seeps down through your skin, chilling muscles to the point they ache when asked to move, chilling sinew and tendon to the point the creak when moved, chilling down to the very surface of the bone and into the marrow. The warmth that flooded through her was like a fire, still, she couldn't feel it just yet. By the time her heart began to beat once more, moving sluggish blood into circulation, she was staring up at a myriad of twinkling lights. They were soothing.

She heard voices but her mind couldn't quite grasp what they were saying - the meanings just weren't there yet. The lights were so soothing. A large man came into view, he was stroking her hair. "Oh Sanria, what happened?" Who in the heck was this? "You're ok now. Everything is ok. Why Sanria... why did you do it?" The man looked like he was about to cry. Why?

"What are you talking about?"

The man's face was confused - that much she knew but she wasn't sure why.

"I'm sorry... who are you?"

"I'm Colin. Your husband."

The words didn't quite register or make sense. She tried to stand up but her legs were simply not strong enough to support her weight. She had to sit back down. The big man was helping her. "You said your name was Carlin?"

"Colin. It's me, Colin."

She searched her memory... it was a big blank. Nothing there but twinkling lights from moments before. Something had to be there, but all that greeted her was a solid black wall of emptiness. "I'm sorry, I don't know a Colin."

"You've been through an ordeal. You just can't remember right now. But it's ok. I'll take care of you. You're among friends."

Friends... she looked around. The big man, the woman laying on the floor with long silver hair, a man with silvery hair... Something didn't quite feel right. She didn't know these people, she didn't know herself. "I don't know who all of you are, but I don't think I'm in the right place."

"No, you are. This is your home."

It didn't feel like home. None of this was right, but there was nothing to fall back on. The black wall in her mind was solid, impenetrable, and gave her nothing. The healer had done this to her, but what? Brought her back to life. The questions were mounting, the feeling of dread growing, "I think I should probably go... Carlin, can you help me to town?"

"No, no. This is your home. Sanria, your son, Orn, is inside. Do you remember Orn?"

"I don't have a son, Carlin."

"Colin, dear. Colin."

White Wolf of Living

Kaliadra didn't know what had happened until she woke up. Fear flooded her elvish senses and she jumped to her feet before collapsing back to the ground. She recognized where she was as Sanria's cavern. She knew Colin, she recognized the purple esper priest and the other with silver hair as the two that came into the realms after Sanria. They spoke and it slowly came to Kaliadra that Gilean had brought them back to life after Sanria had killed herself - and her.

From the conversation it was clear that Sanria had lost her memory, something Kaliadra found as a bit of a blessing. "Throm is dead, isn't he?" she finally asked.

"Yes... how did you...?"

"I could feel it... I could see in her mind at the very end."

Though she couldn't feel any pain from Sanria any longer, Kaliadra felt her own sense of loss. She was still connected, but worlds apart. It was a feeling she didn't want to think about. She turned to Gilean and leveled her gaze. "You are fortunate she remembers nothing... because if she recalled the torment she was going through, she'd probably want to kill you for bringing her back."

Once more, Kaliadra resigned herself to a fate reserved for her people when they had done inconceivable wrong. She shimmered once more into the form of a wolf. Within days, she would begin to forget. Within a month - she'd cease thinking like an elf. Blissful peace in an animal- like existence. "It all felt so wrong...' Gilean said. "I didn't realize that part of that was you."

Kaliadra looked back at the healer, understanding his words and taking them to mean she was an unexpected burden. It struck her deeply, and with a final sigh, she limped on all fours out of the cavern and into the forests beyond.

Learning Curve

Claire wasn't sure how she could have been so wrong about someone. Just the day before, Gilean had invited her out to lunch and they had a good conversation about Psycho, about their planar travel, about Gilean himself. But now she was faced with a different side of Gilean.

She had been contacted by Gilean to help locate Sanria. Apparently the woman had been missing, and far be it from Claire to avoid lending a hand when it was needed. They, she and Gilean together, had located Sanria. Rather, her body. The woman had stabbed herself and her corpse lay frozen in the snow.

Claire couldn't believe it when Gilean began proclaiming how wrong it was. Had he no sense of history? And when he said the gods shouldn't have allowed it to happen - well what about all the atrocities acted out on those who wanted to live? This woman had taken her life, and while Claire believed there were always better ways, many people were slain, slaughtered, brutalized every day across the world of Toril.

Against her desires, not even listening to her, Gilean resurrected not only Sanria, but the elven woman they had met on their trip, Kaliadra. Apparently they had both killed themselves. And for his not listening - Sanria had absolutely no memory.

Claire shook her head in frustration. They should have brought the woman home and let her husband bury her and grieve. That was much more natural than what they - he - had done. As far as she was concerned, Gilean had over- stepped his bounds. He had played at being a God without considering what the possible outcomes were. He had brought back a woman that obviously wanted to be dead when so many who didn't want to be dead remained so. Makou lights lit the streets, did he not think about what made that substance? Did he not think about bringing back those espers?

Claire hung her head and for the first time in nearly a hundred years, warm tears found their way down her slender nose and fell to the floor.