Current Character Description - Celiara Wolldon
Looking about six, perhaps seven, Celiara is a good esper child. Her features are slight, a small mouth pulled into a frown most of the time, her eyes - dark purple so as to almost appear black - are aswirl with curiosity and some deep seated sadness that should not be in the eyes of a child her age. Her hair hangs to her shoulders, black and straight, and her skin swirls like a stormy night, a mix of purple and red, appearing maroonish-black. She is quiet with a pensive silence, she is reluctant with a halting hesitation, as if she is not quite sure she is supposed to be here at all...
Return of the Shadows
It had been years since she had left her homeland, Kozakura. For the last few winters she had been a resident of Baulders Gate, that was until Her lover had left her for dead, in favour of another woman who was more inclined to believe him capable of elevating himself to godhood, Tamoko however just thought him mad.
It didn't pain her anymore to think back over it, she was disciplined, focused and determined. Sitting in the dimly lit room she had rented in some run down Inn called the Yawning Portal, she looked down at her crossed legs, the silk pants she wore clinging to her small legs as she exhaled deeply and closed her eyes in meditation.
The moon outside now had risen to the center of the sky, high over head, a shining beam of light filtering in between the barely parted curtain in the window. No candle light illuminated the room, the only noise to be heard the quiet shallow breathing of Tamoko.
Tamoko felt the approach before she saw it, a heavy shadow falling across her back and shoulder, its presence bearing down on her conciousness and disrupted her meditation. Flinging out with her arms Tamoko grabbed out to grab the being and her fingers trailed through it, grabbing hold of the beings cloak she flung it over her shoulders to crash into the wall in front of her and watched it disspear in what appeared to be a puff of smoke.The shadows had returned for her.
Standing from the bed, Tamako landed to the floor with deft silence and crossed to the other side of the small room, lighting a single candle, it doing little to cast away the shadows. She knew she would never be free of the death he had cast her into all those years ago and since the change of the realms and the disbanding of most of the churches and clans that used to run the cities, Tamoko was not sure where she would now find an ally.
It didn't pain her anymore to think back over it, she was disciplined, focused and determined. Sitting in the dimly lit room she had rented in some run down Inn called the Yawning Portal, she looked down at her crossed legs, the silk pants she wore clinging to her small legs as she exhaled deeply and closed her eyes in meditation.
The moon outside now had risen to the center of the sky, high over head, a shining beam of light filtering in between the barely parted curtain in the window. No candle light illuminated the room, the only noise to be heard the quiet shallow breathing of Tamoko.
Tamoko felt the approach before she saw it, a heavy shadow falling across her back and shoulder, its presence bearing down on her conciousness and disrupted her meditation. Flinging out with her arms Tamoko grabbed out to grab the being and her fingers trailed through it, grabbing hold of the beings cloak she flung it over her shoulders to crash into the wall in front of her and watched it disspear in what appeared to be a puff of smoke.The shadows had returned for her.
Standing from the bed, Tamako landed to the floor with deft silence and crossed to the other side of the small room, lighting a single candle, it doing little to cast away the shadows. She knew she would never be free of the death he had cast her into all those years ago and since the change of the realms and the disbanding of most of the churches and clans that used to run the cities, Tamoko was not sure where she would now find an ally.
Stomping the Flames
Sanria found Kaliadra in the small bed, fast asleep, her diary open. She walked to the small table and read the entry, "Good. Bitch," she spat. Then went to the bed and woke Kaliadra with a stinging slap to the face. The elf flew away with a start and readied her hands for casting... then lowered them.
"What?"
"End it. Make this stop," Sanria said.
"End what?"
"End us, you silly tramp. You said you wanted the pain to stop, well I do too. So do something about it. End it. Let's stop this while we still can."
Kaliadra slid to the edge of the bed, her hands on her knees, staring at the floor. Sanria wanted to grab her by the hair and pull it out handful by handful. She stayed her hands. "I can't," Kaliadra said.
"What lies!"
"The spell still stands, Sanria. It has not worn off. Not only that," the elf looked up, "you have affairs to manage and a family to tend."
"I'm NOT a slave! Not to YOU, not to ANYONE!"
Sanria watched the elf get up and turn to her. Kaliadra took Sanria's shoulders in her hands and stared at her, blue eyes piercing into her own brown ones. "I do not love him, Sanria. I did what I thought was right. I was wrong. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I took advantage of him... and you."
"Damage is done," Sanria said nearly snarling.
"You are right. And I can feel it as though the hell is my own twice over. Not only do I feel my own disgust in myself, but I feel it rolling from you in waves. Please... don't do what you are trying to do. This is my fault alone, and I shall live with it and feel the pain."
"I hate you."
"I know. And I would rather deal with the self-sacrifice of feeling it, the punishment I willingly will bear for what I've done. I won't try to escape it. I will bear it... as an elf, because I did both you and Colin wrong."
Sanria took a couple of steps back, staring at the face which now bore a red outline of her fingers and palm. There was nothing more she could say... she had to go home... to Gilean. How she would explain the rage in her heart without crushing him under it all, she didn't know. She would have to think of something fast, for at the end of her spell, she found herself in the cottage, looking into his concerned face.
"What?"
"End it. Make this stop," Sanria said.
"End what?"
"End us, you silly tramp. You said you wanted the pain to stop, well I do too. So do something about it. End it. Let's stop this while we still can."
Kaliadra slid to the edge of the bed, her hands on her knees, staring at the floor. Sanria wanted to grab her by the hair and pull it out handful by handful. She stayed her hands. "I can't," Kaliadra said.
"What lies!"
"The spell still stands, Sanria. It has not worn off. Not only that," the elf looked up, "you have affairs to manage and a family to tend."
"I'm NOT a slave! Not to YOU, not to ANYONE!"
Sanria watched the elf get up and turn to her. Kaliadra took Sanria's shoulders in her hands and stared at her, blue eyes piercing into her own brown ones. "I do not love him, Sanria. I did what I thought was right. I was wrong. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I took advantage of him... and you."
"Damage is done," Sanria said nearly snarling.
"You are right. And I can feel it as though the hell is my own twice over. Not only do I feel my own disgust in myself, but I feel it rolling from you in waves. Please... don't do what you are trying to do. This is my fault alone, and I shall live with it and feel the pain."
"I hate you."
"I know. And I would rather deal with the self-sacrifice of feeling it, the punishment I willingly will bear for what I've done. I won't try to escape it. I will bear it... as an elf, because I did both you and Colin wrong."
Sanria took a couple of steps back, staring at the face which now bore a red outline of her fingers and palm. There was nothing more she could say... she had to go home... to Gilean. How she would explain the rage in her heart without crushing him under it all, she didn't know. She would have to think of something fast, for at the end of her spell, she found herself in the cottage, looking into his concerned face.
Stomping the Fire
Sanria stared at the books in front of her. She hadn't been back to the cottage yet. She knew Gilean would probably be wondering where she'd gone. No, she couldn't go back yet. She had something she had to do. In a hasty utterance of spell, she appeared beside Colin and before the man could look up, laid a smack across his face that left her hand stinging. "You could have fucked anyone in the whole of the realms..."
He didn't beg. He didn't plead. He barely said more than 'Yes' and 'No.'
"You win," she said, walking to the door.
"...no, not me."
"Yes. You. This is what you wanted. If not, you wouldn't have stuffed yourself inside my friend when she prostituted her body to you. Though, I suppose she's not my friend anymore. And neither are you."
"I'm sorry. And I understand."
His absolute agreement with her words made her furious and the well of pain that much deeper. "Anyone... and you chose her."
"And you chose Gilean."
"You KNOW why," she said, storming back to meet him eye to eye.
"Yes. I do. And, unfortunately, those reasons are right."
"But you came back to us, and if you had given me time to sort out how, I..." She stopped, her agony getting the better of her. What she was admitting... was so devious to the man she had wed.
"No, I'm sorry Sanria. There wasn't a way. But you and Gilean will be happy. You have Matinus and Nioma and your baby. Yours and his. You will be happy."
"No. We won't be, Colin... I don't trust anyone... and I never will again. I suppose it's just what I deserve after how I've lived my life."
"No Sanria... don't do that. He hasn't done anything to wrong you."
"The people closest to me... and one who keeps me alive... have run me into the ground. If the people closest to you can hurt you to the point of agony... who else is left to trust?"
Sanria left and walked into the forest. She followed the stream until she dropped to her knees and poured her soul onto the boulder at her side in the form of tears. She sat there for a long time, long after she had stopped crying. She never once looked up. She had finally reaped what she'd sewn... but no... she wasn't yet done. Not yet.
He didn't beg. He didn't plead. He barely said more than 'Yes' and 'No.'
"You win," she said, walking to the door.
"...no, not me."
"Yes. You. This is what you wanted. If not, you wouldn't have stuffed yourself inside my friend when she prostituted her body to you. Though, I suppose she's not my friend anymore. And neither are you."
"I'm sorry. And I understand."
His absolute agreement with her words made her furious and the well of pain that much deeper. "Anyone... and you chose her."
"And you chose Gilean."
"You KNOW why," she said, storming back to meet him eye to eye.
"Yes. I do. And, unfortunately, those reasons are right."
"But you came back to us, and if you had given me time to sort out how, I..." She stopped, her agony getting the better of her. What she was admitting... was so devious to the man she had wed.
"No, I'm sorry Sanria. There wasn't a way. But you and Gilean will be happy. You have Matinus and Nioma and your baby. Yours and his. You will be happy."
"No. We won't be, Colin... I don't trust anyone... and I never will again. I suppose it's just what I deserve after how I've lived my life."
"No Sanria... don't do that. He hasn't done anything to wrong you."
"The people closest to me... and one who keeps me alive... have run me into the ground. If the people closest to you can hurt you to the point of agony... who else is left to trust?"
Sanria left and walked into the forest. She followed the stream until she dropped to her knees and poured her soul onto the boulder at her side in the form of tears. She sat there for a long time, long after she had stopped crying. She never once looked up. She had finally reaped what she'd sewn... but no... she wasn't yet done. Not yet.
Stealing Fire
Kaliadra vanished into her old room, her chest filled with a crushing sensation. No one roamed these halls, here, in Sir Throm's home; she would be safe in her rented room. She could barely breathe as she dropped onto her bed, sending up a tuft of curling dust. The pain she felt inside was unbearable, and she growled out a curse. There, on her table was her old diary... writing always helped.
A new diary entry left open upon a small white table:
I feel filthy. The deed I have committed is vile and reprehensible and it coats me like the stench of death, lingering on my body. I laid down with Sir Colin in the hopes of driving Sanria to stay with Sir Gilean. When I heard Sir Colin say that he couldn't give her up, I had to be the one to drive the wedge. What could I have done otherwise?!
I tire of feeling Sanria's indecisiveness, even when I fold myself in lycanthropic skin, I can feel it. But I question myself now, because in my efforts to force the situation, I had discovered that her love for this man has driven her to despair. I knew she would hurt, I was prepared for that... but not this. Not this soul freezing, soul crushing pain... pain so intense it is everywhere at once. Damn Sanria!
For my own part - yes. I wanted the experience. I had not given myself to any until that moment. I find myself wishing it could have been with one I loved, but... that one is long past gone. I've only ever felt affections for him... but he did not feel them for me. It is all most definitely for the best- given this inexorable pain marching on my soul, I want not for this again.
I have done something wrong. I had full hopes it would make my the small pains of Sanria's choices end. I have never been so terribly mistaken in all my time. Lady Sune, were she anywhere to hear of this, would likely be disappointed. Yet another entity that has abandoned us. Between the two of them and Velentham for his part... it is only the children of my life-mate that stays my hand against myself.
Damn Lithanus! Damn Sanria! Damn Sune! Damn Velentham! Damn them all!
A new diary entry left open upon a small white table:
I feel filthy. The deed I have committed is vile and reprehensible and it coats me like the stench of death, lingering on my body. I laid down with Sir Colin in the hopes of driving Sanria to stay with Sir Gilean. When I heard Sir Colin say that he couldn't give her up, I had to be the one to drive the wedge. What could I have done otherwise?!
I tire of feeling Sanria's indecisiveness, even when I fold myself in lycanthropic skin, I can feel it. But I question myself now, because in my efforts to force the situation, I had discovered that her love for this man has driven her to despair. I knew she would hurt, I was prepared for that... but not this. Not this soul freezing, soul crushing pain... pain so intense it is everywhere at once. Damn Sanria!
For my own part - yes. I wanted the experience. I had not given myself to any until that moment. I find myself wishing it could have been with one I loved, but... that one is long past gone. I've only ever felt affections for him... but he did not feel them for me. It is all most definitely for the best- given this inexorable pain marching on my soul, I want not for this again.
I have done something wrong. I had full hopes it would make my the small pains of Sanria's choices end. I have never been so terribly mistaken in all my time. Lady Sune, were she anywhere to hear of this, would likely be disappointed. Yet another entity that has abandoned us. Between the two of them and Velentham for his part... it is only the children of my life-mate that stays my hand against myself.
Damn Lithanus! Damn Sanria! Damn Sune! Damn Velentham! Damn them all!
Of Dousing Flames and Fire
Sanria stared at Kaliadra, her mouth hanging open, her eyes beginning to water. She quickly tried to cover the horrified shock that stretched over her face, succeeding only in further bunching it up. She was on the verge of breaking into sobs. A fine pebble of pain seemed to embed itself in the center of her heart as her vision swam in tears. They stood in the library, the rest of the cottage fast asleep. "Are you in love with him then?" she choked.
"No," Kaliadra said. "Carnal lust, that is all."
Sanria groped for the chair behind her and sat heavily. Her friend, her life link, the only wizard left in her life she could trust had just returned, freshly anointed, from sex with Colin. Sanria knew Kaliadra could feel everything she felt, and knew the elf knew. "Why?" she asked, leaning forward to counter the steady rise of anguish. Anyone else but her... anyone else.
"Because I'm tired of you not keeping your word."
"What do you mean?" Sanria asked in a helplessly small voice. "You would have gone back, it was only a matter of time. You'd mess up this family, these lives. But now you know. All it takes is a nude body pressed against his... anyone's will do... even a friend's."
The breath was sucked from Sanria with the last statement, and whatever held her up left her spine; she bent forward into her lap and sobbed. She had no right, she knew. She was married, expecting, a mother... but Kaliadra was right. As always. She would have gone back... she would have made a mess of everything. "But... you were my friend," she managed. "I needed you to see. I needed you to stop." Kaliadra knelt in front of her, looking up into her face, whispering: "Sanria, I can't take it anymore."
Sanria could do nothing but shake her head. She looked back to her hands and burst into renewed sobs. This display, these emotions, told her everything she needed to know in regards to her situation. She would have messed it up. All of it. Now... "You don't have to," Kaliadra said, knowing her thoughts. "If he only wanted you, he would have made me stop. But, he didn't. Please. Stop wanting him and honor your word for a change."
Sanria looked up slowly, pain making it an effort. "Please go."
"I did this for your own good."
"I have nothing more to say to you."
"Or..."
"... or... to him."
"Then I go knowing I've saved a family and spared myself."
Kaliadra vanished and the weight of the anguish dropped onto Sanria. She cried until her heart numbed. Then she stood up, her face vacant, and teleported to the castle to drown herself in work, knowing sleep would not come to her that night.
"No," Kaliadra said. "Carnal lust, that is all."
Sanria groped for the chair behind her and sat heavily. Her friend, her life link, the only wizard left in her life she could trust had just returned, freshly anointed, from sex with Colin. Sanria knew Kaliadra could feel everything she felt, and knew the elf knew. "Why?" she asked, leaning forward to counter the steady rise of anguish. Anyone else but her... anyone else.
"Because I'm tired of you not keeping your word."
"What do you mean?" Sanria asked in a helplessly small voice. "You would have gone back, it was only a matter of time. You'd mess up this family, these lives. But now you know. All it takes is a nude body pressed against his... anyone's will do... even a friend's."
The breath was sucked from Sanria with the last statement, and whatever held her up left her spine; she bent forward into her lap and sobbed. She had no right, she knew. She was married, expecting, a mother... but Kaliadra was right. As always. She would have gone back... she would have made a mess of everything. "But... you were my friend," she managed. "I needed you to see. I needed you to stop." Kaliadra knelt in front of her, looking up into her face, whispering: "Sanria, I can't take it anymore."
Sanria could do nothing but shake her head. She looked back to her hands and burst into renewed sobs. This display, these emotions, told her everything she needed to know in regards to her situation. She would have messed it up. All of it. Now... "You don't have to," Kaliadra said, knowing her thoughts. "If he only wanted you, he would have made me stop. But, he didn't. Please. Stop wanting him and honor your word for a change."
Sanria looked up slowly, pain making it an effort. "Please go."
"I did this for your own good."
"I have nothing more to say to you."
"Or..."
"... or... to him."
"Then I go knowing I've saved a family and spared myself."
Kaliadra vanished and the weight of the anguish dropped onto Sanria. She cried until her heart numbed. Then she stood up, her face vacant, and teleported to the castle to drown herself in work, knowing sleep would not come to her that night.
Of Fighting Flames and Fire
Sanria smiled as Matinus read aloud. Since she'd been back, she'd spent little time with the boy. In fact, she'd spent little time with either of the children. Somehow, though, even with everything now back to normal, she felt a gulf of a distance, and it was growing. She had Nioma, from whom she felt a tad disjointed; Matinus, who adored her but still left Sanria feeling separate; and a baby on the way for yet a third time. The baby. How many times had she lost a child now? She did the quick math in her mind... five. Death seemed to be a companion of Sanria's.
She held Nioma in her lap now - the girl having squirmed up to listen to Matinus read - and thought over her relationship with Gilean. Enmach warned her against getting married so fast, yet she'd done it anyway, and had found a measure of happiness. She loved Gilean, she tried to remind herself, but the truth was... he'd been perfectly what she'd needed. Had Colin gone on as he was, no memories, she'd have continued to grow in her love with Gilean. Now, however, she felt Colin's gravity pulling and she didn't want to fight it. She wanted to go home where everything was right... but was it?
A sigh escaped her and Matinus paused. The boy seemed alert to any passing emotion, as though he knew how to tread softly the minefield of the heart to best protect himself and others. She smiled, and he smiled in return, then resumed reading. Sanria shook her head. She loved Matinus.She loved Nioma. She loved Gilean. This was her home, now. This was her life. No matter what she thought or felt about Colin, she couldn't go back to him. She would have to find a way to stop her heart from wishing itself everywhere but here.
Sanria made up her mind in that moment, for better or worse. She would push the emotions she felt for Colin onto Gilean. The bittersweet love would have to shift. As if on cue, Gilean entered the room and she caught his expression of bliss. He, right now, had everything he wanted. She was part of his greatest joy. He looked over at her, his face a warm smile. This was something she had to do. She looked at him and smiled in return.
She held Nioma in her lap now - the girl having squirmed up to listen to Matinus read - and thought over her relationship with Gilean. Enmach warned her against getting married so fast, yet she'd done it anyway, and had found a measure of happiness. She loved Gilean, she tried to remind herself, but the truth was... he'd been perfectly what she'd needed. Had Colin gone on as he was, no memories, she'd have continued to grow in her love with Gilean. Now, however, she felt Colin's gravity pulling and she didn't want to fight it. She wanted to go home where everything was right... but was it?
A sigh escaped her and Matinus paused. The boy seemed alert to any passing emotion, as though he knew how to tread softly the minefield of the heart to best protect himself and others. She smiled, and he smiled in return, then resumed reading. Sanria shook her head. She loved Matinus.She loved Nioma. She loved Gilean. This was her home, now. This was her life. No matter what she thought or felt about Colin, she couldn't go back to him. She would have to find a way to stop her heart from wishing itself everywhere but here.
Sanria made up her mind in that moment, for better or worse. She would push the emotions she felt for Colin onto Gilean. The bittersweet love would have to shift. As if on cue, Gilean entered the room and she caught his expression of bliss. He, right now, had everything he wanted. She was part of his greatest joy. He looked over at her, his face a warm smile. This was something she had to do. She looked at him and smiled in return.
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