Dear Diary,
I feel pretty bad. I think I really hurt my dad's feelings and I wasn't trying to, but he just won't listen to reason. I found him writing a song for my mom, trying to play a lyre, and sounding like a dying animal. He said he'd done it before but my mom made him go home. I guess that's when I called her and Gilean a jerk and everything kinda went downhill. I tried to be nice, honest. I just felt that feeling again.
Like a cold chill in my stomach that rises up and out to my hands while my face gets hot. It's like I can hear myself saying the words but I can't stop them from coming out. I reminded him how she slept with Ror AND Thasmudyan while he was out, in addition to Gilean. I mean, if she really loved any of them, she wouldn't have done that, right?
Well, he got moody and sad and I just realized that no matter what I said, he was always going to be upset for me saying it. Sucks, but I have to realize that a) I'll never have my parents together and devoted to each other, b)My mom is a whore, c)My dad has been duped, and d)No one will listen to me to hear the truth. So, I'm leaving. I already told Askari to start packing.
We're going to take Heiyu and move near the esper camp where Askari's racist dad used to live. I know we're leaving my dad by himself in this big house, but... I can't see him like this anymore and not be able to speak out. Maybe the space will help me to not be so angry. Who knows.
I love my dad, I wish he could feel it. I wish he would listen to me. If my mom would have only come back to him, committed, and apologized for her mistakes... maybe I could have loved her, too. The only thing left for me to do now is just walk away from both of them and let them sink or swim alone.
Leandra Stone
