The forest sounded with typical life. The trees rustled in the breeze and squirrels chattered and hopped from branch to branch. Sanria stopped and put her hand on the trunk of an old oak. "Dear friend, can you give me a moment of your time?" she asked it.
"A moment? How long is a moment? Seconds? An eternity?" the oak said into her mind, it's voice a deep, ancient baritone.
"A mortal moment."
"You are far from mortal with this elven blood shared, but I will listen."
"Please, if my son asks for me, wondering where I am, will you reply that I am safe?"
"Are you safe?" the tree asked.
"Yes."
"And now, are you safe?" the tree asked.
"I am."
"And now?"
"Why do you persist with this?" Sanria asked.
"Because you cannot see the future. Can you?"
Sanria sighed deeply, her patience being tried. "No."
"Then what shall I tell him?" the tree asked.
"That I took a walk in order to think and clear my mind."
"And to that, I may abide."
"I thank you," Sanria said, removing her hand.
Sanria walked south through the trees, deep within the Haon'Dor. She could feel the farther she walked, the more calm she became. The forest grew cool and quiet, the trees older and larger. Everything here seemed to be a system, and one of which Sanria was a part. The soul of every living thing breathed in concert and her mind could let down its walls.
She sat down beside a very tall poplar and pulled out her book. She ran a hand over the cover with a sigh. It was one of the last things she took from the Illuminati before - she shook her head and opened it. Her handwriting filled the margins of "Ideals behind Balance: A Comprehensive to Discovering a True Path." It was one place she felt she could write and none but herself would find. In these pages were her deepest thoughts and desires, hopes and dreams. Of course, she had read the book a number of times, but its use now was a catalogue of her life. In the middle of the book, she put her pen to page, writing in the spine:
"I lack clarity. How can someone expect to live a balanced life when things continue to spiral out of control? I've hidden in my cavern so long I didn't even notice when the world came crashing down. Let alone my own life."
She turned the page and continued writing:
"Colin killed a woman. He is filled with a substance that I cannot control, and can no longer live with. Yet if I don't reconcile, I feel I'll be smothered. I don't believe he will let me walk away from this."
Sanria sighed deeply and sat for several moments. She could choose to run away, but that simply wasn't her any more. She could think of nothing to do - was there anything to do? Her life seemed a microcosm and within that tiny orb had crept chaos and the pressure to conform, to squash the upset, was intense.
Through the Motions
Sanria had been through it all and her heart felt tight, as though it were scared to even beat. She had been yelled at by her own eight-year-old daughter, Leandra, who felt that what Sanria was doing meant she wouldn't be around for the new baby or the family. She had discovered from Thas- mudyan how they might cure Colin of his malady, only to find out Colin had seen her sitting with Thasmudyan and was rather jealous. She had felt the pressure from Colin to forgive him, to let all of this go and just... here Sanria let out a long sigh and put her head into her hands. Forgiving was one thing, but to act as though nothing had happened was too much to ask.
The cavern, as immense as it was, felt like a cage. Sanria sat at the desk in the library and pulled a piece of parchment towards herself. She wrote,
"Colin,
I need to take a walk and will return. I have to clear my head. Please, let me be alone. I will be fine and no harm will come to me. I have much to think about.
Sanria"
She looked at the note and rose, walking to the foyer as she reread it. It wasn't eloquent work, but the point was to keep Colin from following be- hind. The last thing she wanted was him seeking her out, thinking she had decided to leave, and trying then to convince her she needed to stay with him and reconsider her decision.
She put a cloak around her shoulders, and set the note on the fountain. Quietly, Sanria opened the door and, ensuring even her children did not see her, grabbed her pack and closed the door behind her.
The cavern, as immense as it was, felt like a cage. Sanria sat at the desk in the library and pulled a piece of parchment towards herself. She wrote,
"Colin,
I need to take a walk and will return. I have to clear my head. Please, let me be alone. I will be fine and no harm will come to me. I have much to think about.
Sanria"
She looked at the note and rose, walking to the foyer as she reread it. It wasn't eloquent work, but the point was to keep Colin from following be- hind. The last thing she wanted was him seeking her out, thinking she had decided to leave, and trying then to convince her she needed to stay with him and reconsider her decision.
She put a cloak around her shoulders, and set the note on the fountain. Quietly, Sanria opened the door and, ensuring even her children did not see her, grabbed her pack and closed the door behind her.
Nerlith's Open Application (Part 2)
The void shimmered as it guided me through images of past, present and future. Showing a renewed purpose for my urge to destroy and pave the way for RagnaRok, allowing Lord Sephiroth to merge with the lifestream and rise to ultimate power.
At this time I realised I had been summoned by Jenova. Her tight grasp capturing my mind and memories and exchanging them with Her own. There was no void around me as I had suspected, the void grew from within me as She showed me the dawn of a new day and the dusk that would follow soon after.
As I embraced my new future I returned to my new body, transformed by the essence of Jenova herself, reborn as a soldier of Sephiroth, now waiting to do His bidding.
Followers of Sephiroth, I seek admission into your ranks. Together we shall fulfill our destiny and raise Sephiroth and the Black Church to the divine and almighty.
Nerlith Perditio.
At this time I realised I had been summoned by Jenova. Her tight grasp capturing my mind and memories and exchanging them with Her own. There was no void around me as I had suspected, the void grew from within me as She showed me the dawn of a new day and the dusk that would follow soon after.
As I embraced my new future I returned to my new body, transformed by the essence of Jenova herself, reborn as a soldier of Sephiroth, now waiting to do His bidding.
Followers of Sephiroth, I seek admission into your ranks. Together we shall fulfill our destiny and raise Sephiroth and the Black Church to the divine and almighty.
Nerlith Perditio.
Nerlith's Open Application (Part 1)
Dawn is imminent. As birds begin their daily routine with their serenade to the rising sun, the first rays of sunlight slowly progress west and illuminate Market Square in Westbridge, reflecting and scattering in drops of morning dew. The entire square blinks brightly in this early light, except for a large object sitting in the middle of the large fountain, leaning against it's sculptures.
Upon second glance, the object seems to be a tablet made of black granite, the front side polished, bearing an inscription across its entire length. The entire text seems to be written in an ancient language known to few.
Hail, Followers of Sephiroth.
I am Nerlith Perditio. Former Stormlord of Talos, Bringer of the Rok. You have proven yourselves to be hard to reach, however I am sure this will bring me to your attention.
For years I have been trapped on another plane. As lord Talos betrayed and abandoned those faithful to him and the Jihad faction shattered, I spent my days in the void as I felt the world as I once knew it being taken over by the Black Church. It felt as if I was there the day that Strega infiltrated the Illuminati and changed the balance of the old clans forever.
It was through her eyes that Sephiroth made me see the truth. While I thought that I had been serving Lord Talos and saught for Destruction by the bringing of the Rok in the Jihad faction, it turned out I had always served Sephiroth instead.
Upon second glance, the object seems to be a tablet made of black granite, the front side polished, bearing an inscription across its entire length. The entire text seems to be written in an ancient language known to few.
Hail, Followers of Sephiroth.
I am Nerlith Perditio. Former Stormlord of Talos, Bringer of the Rok. You have proven yourselves to be hard to reach, however I am sure this will bring me to your attention.
For years I have been trapped on another plane. As lord Talos betrayed and abandoned those faithful to him and the Jihad faction shattered, I spent my days in the void as I felt the world as I once knew it being taken over by the Black Church. It felt as if I was there the day that Strega infiltrated the Illuminati and changed the balance of the old clans forever.
It was through her eyes that Sephiroth made me see the truth. While I thought that I had been serving Lord Talos and saught for Destruction by the bringing of the Rok in the Jihad faction, it turned out I had always served Sephiroth instead.
Parting of Ways
The light knocking on the door sent a shock through Sanria. It wasn't that she hadn't anticipated Colin returning, but that she knew what she was going to do once he had. She had stared at the book on the same page for the past hour, all while Colin and Thasmudyan transported Arlenia's body back to the Dark Continent. The image of Colin coated in the woman's blood was what she kept seeing in her mind, as well as the savage state her body had lain. "I was hoping we could talk," Colin began.
"About what, Colin? You killing a sick woman while Thasmudyan was there? You not listening to me at all? You not working to overcome this thing in you?" The emotions within her flooded forth with anger coming unexpectedly.
"Not working to overcome this? Wha... what do you mean?"
"For the love of the Gods, you've never bothered to work on that black makou in you. You've been avoiding anything that upsets you and when it does, you just let loose!"
"Sanria. I've been doing my best. I don't even know how I'm supposed to 'work' on it. Place my family in danger to see how I react? Sanria. She killed one child. She tried to kill Orn right there in front of us. If it weren't for Thasmudyan he would have died."
"Precisely why you shouldn't have killed her. You cut - off - her - head and ran her through!! What in the world is wrong with you?"
"I have something inside of me that shouldn't be there... you know exactly what's wrong with me," Colin stated quietly.
The argument continued, growing heated as Sanria grew more firm in her con- viction. Arlenia's headless body came to the fore again and again, Colin coated in her blood. And more than anything, the fact he could have chosen not to come. He could have chosen to stay home and let Sanria and Thasmud- yan save Orn. He could have chosen.
"I killed her," Colin began, "because she slit our son's throat right there in front of me and I couldn't hold it back any longer."
"I failed that woman because I couldn't stop you. She needed help. Not death."
"Failed her?" Colin asked. "What duty did you have to her? She had help Sanria. She had Banion. Despite that help she chose this."
"And you chose what you did. As I have to choose. I can't do this any more."
Sanria took off her wedding band and tossed it onto the bed beside Colin. She felt her soul crumbling inside. She and Colin had been so good togeth- er for the past couple of years. Here, again, she was ending yet another relationship - and this one in particular, yet again. "Sanria, what are you doing?"
"When you can't even listen to me... I can't prevent you from anything. And if I can't help you, all I can do is watch you destroy yourself and others when you get angry. I'm sorry... but consider us over, Colin."
"What...? Sanria. How can you say that?"
"You don't have to move out since the children are here, but you can't stay with me in this room anymore. You can stay in the guest rooms. I don't want... to see you..."
"So... what... you're choosing that madwoman over me?" Colin asked.
"No, Colin. I'm choosing life over death."
"You said yourself, she needed help. But, you're turning your back on me?"
"I tried. But this is a line... I can't cross with you. This is not okay. I'm sorry we've come to this, but it's the only thing I know to do now."
At the sound of the door closing, Sanria let the tears flow unbidden. She had become accustomed to soothing Colin when he was upset, and the look on his face was more than she could handle. Still, she stood up for what she believed. Part of her felt good for it. The other part felt as if the earth had come to life and swallowed her whole.
"About what, Colin? You killing a sick woman while Thasmudyan was there? You not listening to me at all? You not working to overcome this thing in you?" The emotions within her flooded forth with anger coming unexpectedly.
"Not working to overcome this? Wha... what do you mean?"
"For the love of the Gods, you've never bothered to work on that black makou in you. You've been avoiding anything that upsets you and when it does, you just let loose!"
"Sanria. I've been doing my best. I don't even know how I'm supposed to 'work' on it. Place my family in danger to see how I react? Sanria. She killed one child. She tried to kill Orn right there in front of us. If it weren't for Thasmudyan he would have died."
"Precisely why you shouldn't have killed her. You cut - off - her - head and ran her through!! What in the world is wrong with you?"
"I have something inside of me that shouldn't be there... you know exactly what's wrong with me," Colin stated quietly.
The argument continued, growing heated as Sanria grew more firm in her con- viction. Arlenia's headless body came to the fore again and again, Colin coated in her blood. And more than anything, the fact he could have chosen not to come. He could have chosen to stay home and let Sanria and Thasmud- yan save Orn. He could have chosen.
"I killed her," Colin began, "because she slit our son's throat right there in front of me and I couldn't hold it back any longer."
"I failed that woman because I couldn't stop you. She needed help. Not death."
"Failed her?" Colin asked. "What duty did you have to her? She had help Sanria. She had Banion. Despite that help she chose this."
"And you chose what you did. As I have to choose. I can't do this any more."
Sanria took off her wedding band and tossed it onto the bed beside Colin. She felt her soul crumbling inside. She and Colin had been so good togeth- er for the past couple of years. Here, again, she was ending yet another relationship - and this one in particular, yet again. "Sanria, what are you doing?"
"When you can't even listen to me... I can't prevent you from anything. And if I can't help you, all I can do is watch you destroy yourself and others when you get angry. I'm sorry... but consider us over, Colin."
"What...? Sanria. How can you say that?"
"You don't have to move out since the children are here, but you can't stay with me in this room anymore. You can stay in the guest rooms. I don't want... to see you..."
"So... what... you're choosing that madwoman over me?" Colin asked.
"No, Colin. I'm choosing life over death."
"You said yourself, she needed help. But, you're turning your back on me?"
"I tried. But this is a line... I can't cross with you. This is not okay. I'm sorry we've come to this, but it's the only thing I know to do now."
At the sound of the door closing, Sanria let the tears flow unbidden. She had become accustomed to soothing Colin when he was upset, and the look on his face was more than she could handle. Still, she stood up for what she believed. Part of her felt good for it. The other part felt as if the earth had come to life and swallowed her whole.
The Deciding Line
Sanria arrived back in the cavern with Orn, still holding the boy tightly. She pulled back to look at him and smiled with her eyes full of tears. "I'm so happy you're safe."
"I'm sorry... for leaving..." Orn said, clutching her tightly. It made Sanria's heart ache seeing her son so deeply wounded. While Thasmudyan had healed his outward appearances, she could see that Orn was far from completely okay.
"Shh shh, it's okay. We're not mad at you."
"Why... why did she..."
"That lady was very sick, Orn. Sometimes people who aren't well inside their heads do mean and bad things."
"What... what about Papa. He... he..."
This stopped Sanria for a moment. Orn was full nearing thirteen in the physical terms, but when she looked at him, she still found herself star- ing into the eyes of her little boy. If she were to be fully honest she might well crush him, and so it was with a deep breath she gave a tiny smile, "Your papa saved you."
"Yeah... she won't... hurt anyone else now."
It was the way the boy stated it that tugged at Sanria. "Yes... but what your Papa did... he... we shouldn't kill people who are sick, Orn. Re- member that."
"She... she killed a baby Mama. She sent it, I remember it."
"That is why we have magic, to help those who are sick, Orn. Even when someone does something like that."
"Mama... is Papa sick?"
Sanria looked at Orn for a long moment, her lips quivering in their frozen smile. She couldn't help the tears that sprung to her eyes, nor the utter feeling of helplessness that washed over her as she nodded in the affirmative. "But you and Thasmudyan have magic," Orn said. "You can help him. I'll help too... if you show me how."
"Orn... what is wrong with your Papa... I can't fix. Thasmudyan can't either without really hurting your Papa and maybe killing him. Your Papa will have to figure out what he has to do."
"But Papa doesn't have magic. How is he supposed to fix it? We can help him. I can ask the trees."
Sanria gave a nod and swallowed back her thoughts. She desperately needed to hide the fact that she couldn't let go of what had happened. Colin had killed someone in a black makou fit - but more, he had decided to go along knowing it might happen. There was a part of her heart that had broken completely, but it was of no use. Orn watched her face. "What is it?" he asked.
"I don't think I can be your Papa's wife anymore. I'll still be your Mama-"
"Wh... what? Why?"
"I can't fix what is wrong with your Papa, Orn... and it hurts my heart very much."
"But we can help him," Orn said. "We can help him fix it, right? He scared me... but he's a good dad, isn't he?"
"He's a good Dad, Orn. And we'll help him... but I will just help him as a friend and as your Mom."
It surprised her how well Orn took the news, and she watched the boy run out to the stream beyond. She knew he would be safe - Arlenia was not a threat, yet that brought small comfort with the knowledge of how she was ended. Sanria climbed the stairs to her bedroom, her heart heavy, and stared at a book - waiting for an inevitable conversation. One where she steadied Colin for being without a wife.
"I'm sorry... for leaving..." Orn said, clutching her tightly. It made Sanria's heart ache seeing her son so deeply wounded. While Thasmudyan had healed his outward appearances, she could see that Orn was far from completely okay.
"Shh shh, it's okay. We're not mad at you."
"Why... why did she..."
"That lady was very sick, Orn. Sometimes people who aren't well inside their heads do mean and bad things."
"What... what about Papa. He... he..."
This stopped Sanria for a moment. Orn was full nearing thirteen in the physical terms, but when she looked at him, she still found herself star- ing into the eyes of her little boy. If she were to be fully honest she might well crush him, and so it was with a deep breath she gave a tiny smile, "Your papa saved you."
"Yeah... she won't... hurt anyone else now."
It was the way the boy stated it that tugged at Sanria. "Yes... but what your Papa did... he... we shouldn't kill people who are sick, Orn. Re- member that."
"She... she killed a baby Mama. She sent it, I remember it."
"That is why we have magic, to help those who are sick, Orn. Even when someone does something like that."
"Mama... is Papa sick?"
Sanria looked at Orn for a long moment, her lips quivering in their frozen smile. She couldn't help the tears that sprung to her eyes, nor the utter feeling of helplessness that washed over her as she nodded in the affirmative. "But you and Thasmudyan have magic," Orn said. "You can help him. I'll help too... if you show me how."
"Orn... what is wrong with your Papa... I can't fix. Thasmudyan can't either without really hurting your Papa and maybe killing him. Your Papa will have to figure out what he has to do."
"But Papa doesn't have magic. How is he supposed to fix it? We can help him. I can ask the trees."
Sanria gave a nod and swallowed back her thoughts. She desperately needed to hide the fact that she couldn't let go of what had happened. Colin had killed someone in a black makou fit - but more, he had decided to go along knowing it might happen. There was a part of her heart that had broken completely, but it was of no use. Orn watched her face. "What is it?" he asked.
"I don't think I can be your Papa's wife anymore. I'll still be your Mama-"
"Wh... what? Why?"
"I can't fix what is wrong with your Papa, Orn... and it hurts my heart very much."
"But we can help him," Orn said. "We can help him fix it, right? He scared me... but he's a good dad, isn't he?"
"He's a good Dad, Orn. And we'll help him... but I will just help him as a friend and as your Mom."
It surprised her how well Orn took the news, and she watched the boy run out to the stream beyond. She knew he would be safe - Arlenia was not a threat, yet that brought small comfort with the knowledge of how she was ended. Sanria climbed the stairs to her bedroom, her heart heavy, and stared at a book - waiting for an inevitable conversation. One where she steadied Colin for being without a wife.
Mists of Confusion
It was absolutely silent as Sanria advanced. The mist seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere at once, cool and moist. Sanria could see no farther than an arms-length in front of her, yet something compelled her forward. "Hello?" she called out tentatively, though there was no answer. The mists continued to grow thicker until Sanria stood where not even her hands were visible.
Suddenly, from the mists, a man stepped into her path. As though willing the mists to bend around him, he stood clearly - his skin dazzling gold, the same color of his armor. His eyes burned brightly and locked onto Sanria.
Absolute fear flooded her body. The last time she had seen a being with golden skin like this, it was Velentham, and he wanted to take her from the material plane. A celestial... and this one was huge. Her breathing suddenly increased and sweat broke on her forehead even though a chill hung in the air.
She couldn't scream. She couldn't speak. She spun around but could see nothing in the mists as the man began striding toward her. In a panic, bolted. She knew from past experience that the minute a celestial touched you, they could alter your mind. She had to find her way home, she had to get the hell out of here, she had-
Sanria's mind ceased wandering as she collided with the thick trunk of the tree before her. She collapsed onto the ground, the mists swirling around her body as the golden man arrived and looked down at her unconscious form.
Suddenly, from the mists, a man stepped into her path. As though willing the mists to bend around him, he stood clearly - his skin dazzling gold, the same color of his armor. His eyes burned brightly and locked onto Sanria.
Absolute fear flooded her body. The last time she had seen a being with golden skin like this, it was Velentham, and he wanted to take her from the material plane. A celestial... and this one was huge. Her breathing suddenly increased and sweat broke on her forehead even though a chill hung in the air.
She couldn't scream. She couldn't speak. She spun around but could see nothing in the mists as the man began striding toward her. In a panic, bolted. She knew from past experience that the minute a celestial touched you, they could alter your mind. She had to find her way home, she had to get the hell out of here, she had-
Sanria's mind ceased wandering as she collided with the thick trunk of the tree before her. She collapsed onto the ground, the mists swirling around her body as the golden man arrived and looked down at her unconscious form.
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