Kaliadra vanished into her old room, her chest filled with a crushing sensation. No one roamed these halls, here, in Sir Throm's home; she would be safe in her rented room. She could barely breathe as she dropped onto her bed, sending up a tuft of curling dust. The pain she felt inside was unbearable, and she growled out a curse. There, on her table was her old diary... writing always helped.
A new diary entry left open upon a small white table:
I feel filthy. The deed I have committed is vile and reprehensible and it coats me like the stench of death, lingering on my body. I laid down with Sir Colin in the hopes of driving Sanria to stay with Sir Gilean. When I heard Sir Colin say that he couldn't give her up, I had to be the one to drive the wedge. What could I have done otherwise?!
I tire of feeling Sanria's indecisiveness, even when I fold myself in lycanthropic skin, I can feel it. But I question myself now, because in my efforts to force the situation, I had discovered that her love for this man has driven her to despair. I knew she would hurt, I was prepared for that... but not this. Not this soul freezing, soul crushing pain... pain so intense it is everywhere at once. Damn Sanria!
For my own part - yes. I wanted the experience. I had not given myself to any until that moment. I find myself wishing it could have been with one I loved, but... that one is long past gone. I've only ever felt affections for him... but he did not feel them for me. It is all most definitely for the best- given this inexorable pain marching on my soul, I want not for this again.
I have done something wrong. I had full hopes it would make my the small pains of Sanria's choices end. I have never been so terribly mistaken in all my time. Lady Sune, were she anywhere to hear of this, would likely be disappointed. Yet another entity that has abandoned us. Between the two of them and Velentham for his part... it is only the children of my life-mate that stays my hand against myself.
Damn Lithanus! Damn Sanria! Damn Sune! Damn Velentham! Damn them all!
