Sanria didn't know Colin was home until the moment he slid his arm around her in bed. "How was your trip?" she asked.
"It didn't go so well..."
"I'm sorry."
"She was apparently holding out hope that I would return to her. When she found out I wasn't, she gave me an ultimatum. Either I take the child or she'd end the pregnancy. I couldn't let her end it."
"Well, at least now you can have what you wanted - permanently. You'll get to be part of this child's life, and Orn will have a brother or sister."
"I suppose it's good that it will grow up having a father and mother that are together."
"Indeed. And with that one on the way, we won't have to worry about try- ing for another. We can go to the druids tomorrow to ensure we don't have any more."
Colin gave a small smile. The couple had decided the night he left to give Orn company before he was too old. Nature would dictate when or if anything would happen. Somehow, the idea of completing their family with Arlenia's child was not satisfying to Colin, and Sanria could tell from the look on his face that he felt so. "We shouldn't have things move too fast," Sanria said.
"Yeah... I suppose so."
Moving fast, however, was exactly what nature had decided would happen. At the Druid's Grove, the very next day, when everything was supposed to be set and left to plan - Sanria and Colin discovered they would be five. The druidess chuckled and collected her herbs, leaving Sanria standing there in a swoon. Things weren't supposed to happen this way. Certainly not this fast. Suddenly she felt hurt over Arlenia, scared about her future, and worried that things wouldn't last.
"I only know now... only the past few weeks... I just haven't let myself feel hurt about things or scared of things until now. Things I can't remember or even know how to feel about... was I angry before? Did I care? I mean, I tried to get the two of you together, isn't that what you said?"
"Things were different altogether..." Colin replied.
"I just don't understand why... why didn't I feel for you then like I do right now?"
"Well... you loved... another man. It was something that never truly went away."
"But I never even married him... how could I love him that much?"
"I don't really know..." Colin said. "It's not a question I could ever quite answer myself. But we had times like this... moments like this together. But now... it doesn't have to be just moments." Colin folded Sanria and Orn into his arms.
"I'm glad it's not just moments. I'm glad it is like this... and I hope I never remember if it means I have to give this up."
"Me too," Colin replied with a squeeze.
The family headed back to the cavern with a new goal. They would be together, raising Orn, and the other two children. It was as though fate had given them exactly what they had lost before. So long as memories did not find their way back into Sanria's mind, so long as she retained her grasp on the new reality that spread out before her - nothing could go wrong. Nothing.
Clearing
It had been a day - a full day - and Claire had spent it in deep study. She ran her fingers along the script, detailing just how the elementals were formed, how they came into being, and how to pull a portion of the elemental magic into being for yourself. It was arduous and required a lot of memorization, but Claire was determined to master the incantation as soon as possible.
Gilean entered the door, his hand behind his back. Well, hello there, he greeted, drawing Claire's attention to him. I got something for you, he continued. From his back he pulled a beautiful bouquet of flowers - blues and yellows. Claire looked from them to Gilean, noting how the man was blushing. I, um, really appreciate you letting me stay with you, he said.
Claire smiled and shook her head. 'Ah! Well, you don't need to blush then. You're just being nice and thanking me... aren't... you?' That had to be all there was to it. Gilean had been too good of a friend to her for it to be anything but.
Well... yes, I did want to thank you... but I also... I was also wondering if you would... go on a walk with me.
'Where shall we walk?'
Well, we have to go there first, Gilean said. Taking her hand and vanishing the two of them in a swirl of golden dust.
They arrived in an older forest full of trees strung with lichens and moss. Birds chirped and called to one another and squirrels zipped from tree to tree. They stopped on an old marble bridge and stared out over the edge. Claire found her mind going back over the past few days. It's nice to get out of the house, Gilean said.
'I haven't been thinking about it if at all possible. Just... studying.'
I really care about you Claire, and I don't want to see you upset.
'You're a good friend, Gilean. Truly.'
It looks like there's a little path there. Let's see what's there.
Claire reluctantly took her gaze from the water as it passed under the bridge - an appropriate living metaphor - and followed Gilean to a clearing. The colors and vibrance of life nearly rivaled the plane they had visited and Claire found her spirits lifting. She sat beside Gilean in the grass and looked around until his voice drew her focus. Claire... You are a dear friend... and I care about you very much... very much... Claire waited, she had heard these words before. Something was wrong. What had she done now? I actually... care for you... more than just a friend.
Claire's head swam as Gilean kept talking. She had just parted ways with Psycho, had been considering a return home, and now this... and he wasn't an esper. She'd always pictured herself with another esper. So, I guess you could say I've been smitten for a while, he said.
It was too much, too soon. Excusing herself, Claire went back to her cottage and to the library. She desperately opened her spell books, reading, reciting, reading, reciting and clutched at her head when she lost concentration on every spell.
Gilean entered the door, his hand behind his back. Well, hello there, he greeted, drawing Claire's attention to him. I got something for you, he continued. From his back he pulled a beautiful bouquet of flowers - blues and yellows. Claire looked from them to Gilean, noting how the man was blushing. I, um, really appreciate you letting me stay with you, he said.
Claire smiled and shook her head. 'Ah! Well, you don't need to blush then. You're just being nice and thanking me... aren't... you?' That had to be all there was to it. Gilean had been too good of a friend to her for it to be anything but.
Well... yes, I did want to thank you... but I also... I was also wondering if you would... go on a walk with me.
'Where shall we walk?'
Well, we have to go there first, Gilean said. Taking her hand and vanishing the two of them in a swirl of golden dust.
They arrived in an older forest full of trees strung with lichens and moss. Birds chirped and called to one another and squirrels zipped from tree to tree. They stopped on an old marble bridge and stared out over the edge. Claire found her mind going back over the past few days. It's nice to get out of the house, Gilean said.
'I haven't been thinking about it if at all possible. Just... studying.'
I really care about you Claire, and I don't want to see you upset.
'You're a good friend, Gilean. Truly.'
It looks like there's a little path there. Let's see what's there.
Claire reluctantly took her gaze from the water as it passed under the bridge - an appropriate living metaphor - and followed Gilean to a clearing. The colors and vibrance of life nearly rivaled the plane they had visited and Claire found her spirits lifting. She sat beside Gilean in the grass and looked around until his voice drew her focus. Claire... You are a dear friend... and I care about you very much... very much... Claire waited, she had heard these words before. Something was wrong. What had she done now? I actually... care for you... more than just a friend.
Claire's head swam as Gilean kept talking. She had just parted ways with Psycho, had been considering a return home, and now this... and he wasn't an esper. She'd always pictured herself with another esper. So, I guess you could say I've been smitten for a while, he said.
It was too much, too soon. Excusing herself, Claire went back to her cottage and to the library. She desperately opened her spell books, reading, reciting, reading, reciting and clutched at her head when she lost concentration on every spell.
Unexpected Guest
Claire at last found the energy to walk out her front door. She sat on the stoop, looking down over the ferns and grasses, lost in thought. She considered returning to Faerun - going back to her mother and marrying Ruthivan. It wasn't the life she sought for herself, but it wouldn't cause her the pain that seemed to follow her on Cruoris. There she could simply help her own kind, carry on the genetic legacy of Espers, and be at ease. Certainly, it would mean turning her back on her charges in Westbridge - giving up on aiding those that truly needed it - but anything was better than -
The sound of footsteps pulled her from her own mind and Claire looked over to see Gilean approaching. "Hello Claire. I hope I'm not disturbing you." There was nothing to disturb. Claire invited her friend inside and at his questioning, told him what had transpired. She looked down at the pack by her side and pulled out the orchids that had been given to her by Psycho. It was over. As she spoke, she removed the enchantment that kept them beautiful and fresh and tossed them into the fireplace. She hung her head as they rapidly curled and turned to ash.
The conversation quieted and so lost in her thoughts was she that Claire barely registered Gilean's voice, You know... I haven't had a chance to see this new house of yours. Do you feel up for a tour? She found the energy to rise and to show him the rooms of her house, as well as Emalia's grave in the back.
The small cottage did not take long to show. I must admit, I'm a bit jealous, Gilean said once they had finished. The accommodations at the temple aren't nearly so nice. 'If you would like you may stay here,' Claire offered. 'I have the extra room.'
Oh, no... I wouldn't want to impose...
'It would be no imposition. Besides, should I choose to go home, you might be able to purchase it for your own.'
Well, alright then. I will stop looking the gift horse in the mouth and graciously accept your offer.
Claire parted with Gilean, leaving him to move himself into the guest room, and entered the library. She sat there, surrounded by all of Emalia's old healing books, and suddenly had reality hit her. She just gained a roommate. She let out a long sigh and shook her head in spite of herself. Broken hearts were certainly not conducive to clear minds.
The sound of footsteps pulled her from her own mind and Claire looked over to see Gilean approaching. "Hello Claire. I hope I'm not disturbing you." There was nothing to disturb. Claire invited her friend inside and at his questioning, told him what had transpired. She looked down at the pack by her side and pulled out the orchids that had been given to her by Psycho. It was over. As she spoke, she removed the enchantment that kept them beautiful and fresh and tossed them into the fireplace. She hung her head as they rapidly curled and turned to ash.
The conversation quieted and so lost in her thoughts was she that Claire barely registered Gilean's voice, You know... I haven't had a chance to see this new house of yours. Do you feel up for a tour? She found the energy to rise and to show him the rooms of her house, as well as Emalia's grave in the back.
The small cottage did not take long to show. I must admit, I'm a bit jealous, Gilean said once they had finished. The accommodations at the temple aren't nearly so nice. 'If you would like you may stay here,' Claire offered. 'I have the extra room.'
Oh, no... I wouldn't want to impose...
'It would be no imposition. Besides, should I choose to go home, you might be able to purchase it for your own.'
Well, alright then. I will stop looking the gift horse in the mouth and graciously accept your offer.
Claire parted with Gilean, leaving him to move himself into the guest room, and entered the library. She sat there, surrounded by all of Emalia's old healing books, and suddenly had reality hit her. She just gained a roommate. She let out a long sigh and shook her head in spite of herself. Broken hearts were certainly not conducive to clear minds.
White Wolf Decided
I was pulled back into myself today. I cannot claim I was not annoyed by the appearance of the Priest with Sanria and her son - at least at first. It appears she and Colin forgive me. It is kind of them to seek me out to inform me of such a thing, but it does not preclude the fact that I cannot forgive myself. I not only took the life of one of her children, I lost myself in the search for knowledge - obliterating that basic of all rules for those who seek to learn.
The boy was very cute. He smelled like the woods, which seems fitting given that his mother is a sage. It was nice to feel the lightness in her heart at seeing him. Motherhood seems to suit her. I will never taste such things - though I am at ease with that fate. For what little bit of elven ability remains with me, I shall know through her the joys it brings. It feels so much like old times... when Sanria was happy.
The last comfort I am given is that the Priest will most likely not disturb me again. I changed forms for him simply to let him know I was in control of myself. Now? I feel I will finally be able to lose myself. Though it may not be necessary in the eyes of everyone else - it is a fate I have chosen and have no reason to prevent it. In the land of the bipedal animal, there is nothing left for me.
The boy was very cute. He smelled like the woods, which seems fitting given that his mother is a sage. It was nice to feel the lightness in her heart at seeing him. Motherhood seems to suit her. I will never taste such things - though I am at ease with that fate. For what little bit of elven ability remains with me, I shall know through her the joys it brings. It feels so much like old times... when Sanria was happy.
The last comfort I am given is that the Priest will most likely not disturb me again. I changed forms for him simply to let him know I was in control of myself. Now? I feel I will finally be able to lose myself. Though it may not be necessary in the eyes of everyone else - it is a fate I have chosen and have no reason to prevent it. In the land of the bipedal animal, there is nothing left for me.
White Wolf Mistakes
The damnable priest again. I knew I shouldn't have done it, but I needed to show him that I would be fine, that living as a wolf would do nothing to impede my quality of life - he just lost himself. I admit, outside of my own kind, I've never met another who was transformed as a white wolf. He had golden eyes that glowed - I knew right away that he was different. One of those that we had left behind in the far reaches of the outer planes.
The way he took off, though - running from himself and his own knowledge. I am ashamed to let on that I enjoyed chasing behind him at breakneck speeds, but when he caught his leg in that trap, I felt all the crushing guilt. It was my fault. It *is* my fault.
I feel that to stay where I can be found is foolish, for he will certainly return to seek out my council. That is, after all, what he came for. To air his aching heart over some girl. He sounded like a child, but for all that I resent when it comes to Lady Sune, I long for that feeling. To be blindly in love, heedless to everything around you, with eyes for the one that makes your heart sing...
Ah, trifles. Mere trifles.
The way he took off, though - running from himself and his own knowledge. I am ashamed to let on that I enjoyed chasing behind him at breakneck speeds, but when he caught his leg in that trap, I felt all the crushing guilt. It was my fault. It *is* my fault.
I feel that to stay where I can be found is foolish, for he will certainly return to seek out my council. That is, after all, what he came for. To air his aching heart over some girl. He sounded like a child, but for all that I resent when it comes to Lady Sune, I long for that feeling. To be blindly in love, heedless to everything around you, with eyes for the one that makes your heart sing...
Ah, trifles. Mere trifles.
Visiting Kaliadra
Sanria stayed well back from the mouth of the small cave, holding Orn to her protectively as Gilean approached. The last thing she wanted was harm to come to the boy, and she couldn't help but think that if Colin were around, he might not be too happy in that she had taken their child to visit a potentially feral animal. Indeed, no sooner than Kaliadra appeared at the mouth of the cave, than Orn began kicking his legs, squealing excitedly to get at the large white wolf. 'Put him down. Let him come if he wants,' Kaliadra telepathed.
It seemed that Sanria wasn't the only one who disagreed with this suggestion. Gilean looked back at her, shaking his head no. Still, Orn continued squealing with high-pitched frustration. "We... can leave you be," Gilean said.
'PUT HIM DOWN,' Kaliadra telepathed.
Slowly, Sanria let Orn slide down her body and to the ground. As soon as his tiny feet hit the forest floor, he sped toward Kaliadra, latching onto her and gripping her white fur in his tiny hands - all without releasing his stick. 'He is pretty, Sanria. You don't need to be nervous. I can think a little now that he's not squealing.'
"You don't have to give up your life," Gilean said.
'I'm not giving up my life. I'm living it a different way.'
"Kaliadra..." Sanria started. "I'm not mad at you. I don't remember anything so, I can't be."
'I am content with you living your life happily,' Kaliadra telepathed with a chuckle. 'There's a lightness in your heart, that's for certain.'
Sanria held her breath still, nervously watching as Kaliadra winced each time Orn tugged at her hair. The little boy grabbed her muzzle and looked into the blue eyes, and Sanria's stomach clenched. When Kaliadra's paw went around Orn to pull him closer, Sanria fought not to rush forward. 'You should get him a dog,' Kaliadra telepathed.
"I will consider that."
"You could always visit him... if you didn't lose yourself," Gilean said.
At long last, Kaliadra rose and backed away from Orn. Though Kaliadra and Gilean still spoke, Sanria took it as her cue, taking Orn into her arms amidst the kicking and screaming protests the little boy put up. "Are you sure you're happy?" Sanria asked through the screams. "We're not mad at you..."
'I have nothing left for me, Sanria. Nothing but giving you the chance to finally live a life where you aren't... well... where you're like this for a change. I am pleased with that gift.'
"Thank you," Sanria said.
Sanria walked from the cave, sighing relief as Orn settled down and laid his head on her shoulder. She couldn't remember the woman - but it seemed Kaliadra had chosen a path that made her happy and had been pleased with Sanria's development. Whoever she was before, she had to have been miserable. Again, Sanria sighed relief. That part of her past was over. With a quick spell, Gilean sent them home. As she laid Orn in his crib, Sanria had a small smile cross her features. She had peace.
It seemed that Sanria wasn't the only one who disagreed with this suggestion. Gilean looked back at her, shaking his head no. Still, Orn continued squealing with high-pitched frustration. "We... can leave you be," Gilean said.
'PUT HIM DOWN,' Kaliadra telepathed.
Slowly, Sanria let Orn slide down her body and to the ground. As soon as his tiny feet hit the forest floor, he sped toward Kaliadra, latching onto her and gripping her white fur in his tiny hands - all without releasing his stick. 'He is pretty, Sanria. You don't need to be nervous. I can think a little now that he's not squealing.'
"You don't have to give up your life," Gilean said.
'I'm not giving up my life. I'm living it a different way.'
"Kaliadra..." Sanria started. "I'm not mad at you. I don't remember anything so, I can't be."
'I am content with you living your life happily,' Kaliadra telepathed with a chuckle. 'There's a lightness in your heart, that's for certain.'
Sanria held her breath still, nervously watching as Kaliadra winced each time Orn tugged at her hair. The little boy grabbed her muzzle and looked into the blue eyes, and Sanria's stomach clenched. When Kaliadra's paw went around Orn to pull him closer, Sanria fought not to rush forward. 'You should get him a dog,' Kaliadra telepathed.
"I will consider that."
"You could always visit him... if you didn't lose yourself," Gilean said.
At long last, Kaliadra rose and backed away from Orn. Though Kaliadra and Gilean still spoke, Sanria took it as her cue, taking Orn into her arms amidst the kicking and screaming protests the little boy put up. "Are you sure you're happy?" Sanria asked through the screams. "We're not mad at you..."
'I have nothing left for me, Sanria. Nothing but giving you the chance to finally live a life where you aren't... well... where you're like this for a change. I am pleased with that gift.'
"Thank you," Sanria said.
Sanria walked from the cave, sighing relief as Orn settled down and laid his head on her shoulder. She couldn't remember the woman - but it seemed Kaliadra had chosen a path that made her happy and had been pleased with Sanria's development. Whoever she was before, she had to have been miserable. Again, Sanria sighed relief. That part of her past was over. With a quick spell, Gilean sent them home. As she laid Orn in his crib, Sanria had a small smile cross her features. She had peace.
Regarding Kaliadra (1-2)
Sanria busied herself walking by the stream of her home reading a book entitled, "Secrets of the Woodland Dryad: A Confessional." She walked about, reading it thoughtfully, allowing Orn to follow behind her doing his best wobbly walk as he swung his stick like a metronome and babbled. At the sound of the doorbell, Sanria closed her book and made her way back to the cavern and to the front door. Without Colin in the house, she wasn't sure what to expect. Why would he be back already?
Sanria opened the door with a smile only to find the silver-haired priest looking back at her. "Gilamen... right?"
"Gilean, but you were close. Might I be able to talk to you?"
"Please."
Sanria let Gilean into the cavern and closed the door behind him. She led the way back out to the stream and seated herself, letting Orn go out into the water and plop happily down within the rushing water. She told Gilean how things had been going, to which the priest seemed honestly happy - re- lieved. "That is very good to see," he replied. "I was quite concerned for you."
"I can't remember a thing, so I guess there's no reason to be anything but."
"Well, it seemed that in and of itself was a source of concern for you before."
"Yes. It was. But we talked to the Druids in the Grove and it seems they and the trees agree I've been given a gift and shouldn't squander it. I was very troubled before."
"I must say, you seem to have found yourself quite nicely."
Although she didn't quite see how she found herself in that she still couldn't remember beyond her awakening, Sanria devoted her attention to Gilean as his smile faded. "There actually is something else that is concerning me and I had hoped to talk to you and your husband about."
"Perhaps I can help even if he isn't here," Sanria offered.
"Yes. Well, I sought out Miss Kaliadra not long after I visited you two last. I found her as a wolf, hidden away in a cave. It seems that she feels that, as a sort of self-imposed punishment for what she has done, she plans on exiling herself to live the rest of her life as a wolf."
Gilean continued to tell Sanria about his misgivings. "I feel this is my responsibility, but maybe it might mean something to have your forgiveness... perhaps even more to have your husband's."
"Well, we could go find her..."
"It may be worth a try. I should caution, that she may have already started to lose herself to being a wolf. We should be cautious."
"Would you be able to hold her back should she try something? I won't risk Orn."
At the sound of his name, the little boy rose from the stream and set off toward Sanria and Gilean at breakneck, baby-running speed, his diaper and robe sopping wet. "Perhaps we should leave the child at the temple while we attempt this?" Gilean said.
"Leave him?" The idea of separating from Orn was one that left Sanria feeling a little panicked.
"My brothers there can watch over him. We are very used to helping children."
Sanria took Orn's stick in hand and looked at the little boy. 'Mama is going to help the nice man. You can stay with his friends.' Immediately, Orn looked back at her with panic on his face.
'Mama go bye-bye? No Orn bye-bye?' Orn looked at Sanria, his lip trembling.
"It's okay. They're nice and fun..."
'No go bye-bye, Mama... No, no!' Orn stamped his feet and leaned against Sanria, soaking her.
"I don't believe he's willing," she said to Gilean. "He's had a hard time with Colin being gone."
"Alright then... but we must be cautious. I don't think she would be aggressive unless threatened even if she were no longer herself but I do not want any harm to come to anyone."
"Of course," Sanria replied.
It was decided and with a quick change of wet clothing, Sanria, Orn, and Gilean set off to meet with Kaliadra.
Sanria opened the door with a smile only to find the silver-haired priest looking back at her. "Gilamen... right?"
"Gilean, but you were close. Might I be able to talk to you?"
"Please."
Sanria let Gilean into the cavern and closed the door behind him. She led the way back out to the stream and seated herself, letting Orn go out into the water and plop happily down within the rushing water. She told Gilean how things had been going, to which the priest seemed honestly happy - re- lieved. "That is very good to see," he replied. "I was quite concerned for you."
"I can't remember a thing, so I guess there's no reason to be anything but."
"Well, it seemed that in and of itself was a source of concern for you before."
"Yes. It was. But we talked to the Druids in the Grove and it seems they and the trees agree I've been given a gift and shouldn't squander it. I was very troubled before."
"I must say, you seem to have found yourself quite nicely."
Although she didn't quite see how she found herself in that she still couldn't remember beyond her awakening, Sanria devoted her attention to Gilean as his smile faded. "There actually is something else that is concerning me and I had hoped to talk to you and your husband about."
"Perhaps I can help even if he isn't here," Sanria offered.
"Yes. Well, I sought out Miss Kaliadra not long after I visited you two last. I found her as a wolf, hidden away in a cave. It seems that she feels that, as a sort of self-imposed punishment for what she has done, she plans on exiling herself to live the rest of her life as a wolf."
Gilean continued to tell Sanria about his misgivings. "I feel this is my responsibility, but maybe it might mean something to have your forgiveness... perhaps even more to have your husband's."
"Well, we could go find her..."
"It may be worth a try. I should caution, that she may have already started to lose herself to being a wolf. We should be cautious."
"Would you be able to hold her back should she try something? I won't risk Orn."
At the sound of his name, the little boy rose from the stream and set off toward Sanria and Gilean at breakneck, baby-running speed, his diaper and robe sopping wet. "Perhaps we should leave the child at the temple while we attempt this?" Gilean said.
"Leave him?" The idea of separating from Orn was one that left Sanria feeling a little panicked.
"My brothers there can watch over him. We are very used to helping children."
Sanria took Orn's stick in hand and looked at the little boy. 'Mama is going to help the nice man. You can stay with his friends.' Immediately, Orn looked back at her with panic on his face.
'Mama go bye-bye? No Orn bye-bye?' Orn looked at Sanria, his lip trembling.
"It's okay. They're nice and fun..."
'No go bye-bye, Mama... No, no!' Orn stamped his feet and leaned against Sanria, soaking her.
"I don't believe he's willing," she said to Gilean. "He's had a hard time with Colin being gone."
"Alright then... but we must be cautious. I don't think she would be aggressive unless threatened even if she were no longer herself but I do not want any harm to come to anyone."
"Of course," Sanria replied.
It was decided and with a quick change of wet clothing, Sanria, Orn, and Gilean set off to meet with Kaliadra.
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